Sunday, February 2, 2014

Oh Dear, Am I That Mom I Hate?

In this day and age of mom-competition, where every mom has her own brand of being a mom ("Organic Mom", "Homeschool Mom", "Breastfeeding Mom", "No-Spank Mom", "Yes-Spank Mom", "Attachment Mom", "Baby-Wise Mom", "Cloth Diapering Mom", "No-Vaccine Mom, "Homeopathic Mom"... the list goes ON and ON...) I find myself always making it clear to anyone that will listen that I do not subscribe to any "parenting theories". I am theory-less. I'm just trying to make sure that my husband and I's "theories" at least meet- like half of the time.

I don't spend copious amounts of time reading up on parenting trends or soaking in books/magazines/podcasts on child rearing. Or any time at all. If I pick up Parenting Magazine, it's because I saw a pennant banner on the cover I liked, or a friend of mine has a published party in it.

I'm just sort of doing it, this parenting thing. Most days I struggle... like STRUG-GLE. I am not all up and at um' at 7am, excited about making homemade pancakes and juicing up my own healthy concoction for some added energy. I am begging, and I mean begging these two children of mine for, "5 more minutes please- then I'll put in some Eggos" and then downing cup after cup of glorious coffee, all while walking around until about 11:00am with some of the worst bed head you've ever laid eyes on.

I have good mom days and really, really bad days. Days I'm fried by 6:30pm and literally feel like these children must put themselves to bed- or I will in fact, implode. Days where I start off sentences to a 2 year old with, "WHY ON EARTH?" and "Are we SERIOUS here?!"

I read these blogs that talk about not saying, "Hurry Up" to your kids and definitely not EVER yelling. These are the new parenting forbiddens. Are these woman on Prozac? These blogs buzz around the internet once, find you on a bad day- and make you feel like crap... and then they come back for round two (just happened) for all the people who missed them the first time. And of course you have to stumble upon them both times on the days you happened to have yelled, "HURRY UP!" repeatedly.

I find myself wondering what brand of mom is really not saying "hurry up" and you know... Pretty much despising them. I'd go so far as to say if you're the person that's sharing all the, "don't say this to your kids" blogs, I'm probably rolling my eyes- like slow motion rolling my eyes at your profile picture. Unless I already love you- then you can do no wrong... but if I'm on the fence and you're going all perfect-mom on me then yaaaaa.... Totally rolling my eyes and yelling, "Oh brother!" at the computer.

But this weekend something hit me. It hit me that I could be... the annoying one. That eyes could be being rolled at ME. Little ol' no-child-rearing-theory-mom ME. The gal who has no true daily routine, no "meal-plans", no weekly mom-group play dates... ME.

I have always felt that because I have been so honest both in person and on the blog about how much I struggle devoting my life to motherhood- that no one could be annoyed by ME trying to be a perfect mom. Because I'm so not and it's so obvious that I'm not in the mom-competition, or if I am, I'm in like last place, dragging past the finish line. Hey- I may be in last place- but least I'm not annoying!

RIGHT?

I'm in the clear, right?

Well, it was brought to my attention after my sister visited this weekend that I might not be in the clear. She mentioned, in her lighthearted way- that more than a few people in the last 6 months has asked her if, in a nut shell- she's intimidated by throwing parties for her two girl's and inviting our mutual friends with me as her sister: Miss Party Mom.

WOW. I'M being used as the litmus test for how to throw parties? Well that IS annoying! As if us moms aren't already feeling judged by every woman in our lives- now we're going to act like the way we throw our kid's parties should hold any baring on us as mothers?

I guess it's time I set some things straight about being a Party Planning Mom. Maybe overdue actually.

Hear this ladies: Throwing a killer party for your kid- does NOT make you a good mom. At times, it can actually make you a really shitty one. It can completely blind you from who the party is actually for and wrap you up so deep in it- you've forgotten about LIFE and actually having one.

So if big parties are not your thing- don't throw them! Don't let Pinterest and other moms (like me) make you feel pressured in to doing something you're not great at and don't love.

I throw parties because, as I've mentioned many times before- I NEED some form of creative outlet and I happen to love throwing parties, always have. I did not start this business for my children- because I am some awesome mom who wanted them to always have the very best parties. I very much started it for myself, so that I'd be doing something I enjoyed every night when the kids went to bed.

The thought of moms (especially friends!) looking at my parties and rolling their eyes, saying, "Oh brother!" at the computer totally makes me cringe. I'm sure it's going to happen- in the same way I know friends who will never stop pinning, "Organic Must-Try Meals" or "10 Ways to Make Your Husband Feel Appreciated Today"- things that literally make me want to regurgitate... Well I guess parties can do that to people too, my parties might do that to people.

I might be that mom I hate.

So in trying to ponder this new found discovery that I may be someone's "organic mom" (my version of the ultimate eye-roll) I guess my point here is that maybe us moms just need to focus on our strengths. And yes- it's probably going to annoy the next mom- SO what!

You want to grill up that green pepper and stuff the hell out of it with weird food I've never even heard of and definitely can't pronounce? Go for it. Ya, I'll still roll my eyes when you put it all over IG, FB and Twitter... but heck, if it makes you happy and you're good at it- have at it.

And I'm going to do my parties- not because I'm trying to out do anyone or be Super Party Mom. I'm just trying to be a mom who doesn't loose herself totally to wiping butts, popping Eggos and building Legos.

So you go cook your crazy meals and remember that I SUCK AT COOKING. You go run your marathon knowing that I'm WAY TOO LAZY FOR THAT. You go do anything other than throwing a killer party and remember that I probably have no idea how you even thought of that.

AND- If you want to do throw a Dora party with Walmart d├ęcor and focus on a gourmet meal... By all means we will GLADLY be at your party ready to enjoy your gourmet meal. Don't think I'm above anything because I throw my kid's "cool parties". I am still just a girl from the ghetto who had every birthday party at Pizza Hut on Inglewood Avenue. I had just as much fun there as I would have had at a the local light-up bowling alley where the "cool parties" were held.

Please remember this about your kids too, before you roll your eyes at that super annoying Pinterest party... That hopefully I didn't do.

xo Party or Die xo
kenna

Pretty much my only parenting theory.

24 comments:

  1. You are too funny Kenna! I love this! I am also that mom who is begging for 5 more minutes of sleep before slapping together a random "breakfast" for my kids. I have my moments of really trying to do it all but fail drastically all the time...and I am cool with that. As far as I can tell my kids are happy, healthy and most importantly ALIVE. You keep throwing those amazing parties so that I can pin them and roll my eyes while saying "ugh, how is she so darn creative!" :)

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    1. You can't roll your eyes lady!!! That I KNOW!! We're on the same level of crazy party mom- no eye rolling aloud ;)

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  2. Girl - I totally could have written this a million times over!!!!! I am def sharing this and my friends will probably roll their eyes at that but you said it best sister! Although I work outside the home too I'm still not a morning person by any stretch and would def be me on the weekends... But I will admit, I do have the do everything perfect tendency..

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    1. Thanks for the compliments! If I were good at a ton of things I might have "perfect-tendencies" too- but since it's mainly just parties, I keep it simple ;)

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  3. Amen Sister! I hate when people think I am silently judging their parties! I only judge the ones at Bounce House places. LOL. Just Kidding. Not really, yes I am, not I am not...only a little.

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    1. Oh we just went to a bounce house party where Cormac's entire preschool was invited. We're new so no one knows I'm a party planner- and I'm not giving that info out at a bounce house party! I will say- damn that clean up made me jealous!

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  4. Great Post! I enjoyed reading it.
    Thanks for sharing this. Let's follow each other and share!? :-)

    www.sweetlittleluxuries.com

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  5. Love this! I honestly feel like I've "put off" a few of the moms from my son's school because I like to do pinterest-inspired things. I also love throwing parties - but I'm super cheap...so if I can create something that looks 1/4 as fab as some of the awesome parties out there, I'm happy. Keep rockin' it. You're awesome and inspiring!

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    1. Thanks Donna- just remember we were "Pinterest Moms" before Pinterest existed! I'm of course speaking for you- but I'd assume anyway ;)

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  6. Kate Wallace DorseyFebruary 3, 2014 at 10:26 PM

    Love it as always!! Couldn't agree more, I try to explain that to everyone who talks sh*t about my kids "cool parties" lol. I don't do it to be over the top, or for status, or to show off, or for any of the reasons that many people often assume. I do it because it is something that I genuinely enjoy and adore. My famous quote is "I could stare at that all day!!" Said by me when looking at a party room or dessert table after set-up is complete and before everyone gets their hands on it. Because I COULD!! I just adore every bit of the finished outcome. And there's rarely a day that goes by that I don't see something (many things usually) and instantly my brain takes off imagining all the fun ways I could incorporate it into a party... I can never get enough of it all :p The majority of my closest friends and family are the opposite when it comes to parties but they know they can come to me for help on anything (and they do), but that I love their parties too!! Like you said we all have things we like to do and dedicate time to, no one makes fun when someone has an amazing garden or an amazing collection of antiques... and for us this is our thing, now if only others could get that... :p

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    1. Thanks Kate- agreed, a finished dessert table can be breathtaking- to us anyway! And then some kid comes and mows through it without permission lol... Oh- I'll get to that, don't you worry!

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  7. Wow you always speak right to my heart Kenna. I hear all the time what a "good Mom" I am because of what I do and if only they could see me the week before a party it would be a whole different story. I'm creative and love what I do but it doesn't make me a better or worse Mom than anyone I know. It sounds crazy but I'm usually relieved when Mom's just drop their kids off at the door at parties, so I don't have to explain anything to them. Please don't ever stop writing, you always make me smile.

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    1. Thanks for always being so encouraging Sunny! Yes- Party Week, it ain't pretty. Thank God my mother-in-law takes my kids 2 days prior so I can shield them from the crazy.

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  8. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

    I'm not alone in the world! I knew that already, but having someone saying it loud and clear in such an honest and funny way is so unusual!

    You made my day!



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    1. Thanks Sofia- you are NOT alone! If you're new to my blog, you should read this! You'll really get a kick out of it!
      http://misspartymom.blogspot.com/2013/05/a-not-so-subtle-post-on-affording-party.html

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    2. Not new to your blog and I follow you on FB for quite a while now. I'm going to read it!

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  9. Love, love, love, love this post!!!!!!!!!! Totally can relate to ALL of it! I can't cook at all- but I can sure throw one heck of a party! xoxo, Jenny

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    1. Thanks Jenny! Your Lego party is one of my all time faves!

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  10. You are so funny! Your posts never fail to make me laugh and brighten my mornings. :) Love your meaningful posts and lovely life stories!

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  11. My goodness. I just want to hug & kiss you right now! Every word of this was spot-on perfect.

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  12. Well said! I just found you on here and looked around and love your posts, parties, and sense of humor :) You are doing what I hope to be doing soon. I started up my blog (mrspartyplanner.com) in 2012 then took a break and just recently resumed writing again so your tips were very helpful.

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  13. Sooo funny! Loved how you conveyed your heartfelt thoughts in such a "real" way.

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  14. Very nice post. I could actually relate to it.

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  15. Lovely post. I could relate to it.

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