But I used to MAKE time for the blog- literally shoving it in to my day, where it did not fit. Blogging at the most inopportune times because I had to- I was committed to being a "blogger". Most times I would I sit and write in the mornings while the kids were up and needing my attention (a great way to start the morning!). I'd have a subject I needed to get out that I was too tired to finish the night before and so I'd ignore the kids and spit out the blog. I'd turn in to "mean blogging mom" for about 2 hours, trying my best to edit it (with my non-literature background) and spending copious amounts of time uploading all my supporting photos. On most occasions shoving blogging in to a day turned me in to somewhat of a Hulk like figure where if anything got in my way or line of consciousness I'd likely loose my mind.
I've mentioned on here many times that prior to having kids, I was never the type of woman who dreamed about her future children. I didn't have names picked out or outfits saved in a hope chest. Prior to getting married I wasn't even sure if I wanted kids because I had such a strong desire for being a successful career woman and doing things.... like blogging. And blogging well. Often times today, I want nothing more than to just sit and blog. Or create something without distraction. But that is not my lot in life right now. My lot in life, by my own doing- is to stay home with the kids with a loose goal of trying to raise a couple of decent humans. As much as I love to work (seriously, I am a classic work-a-holic) and plan parties (the ultimate work)... I'm finally owning the fact that I desire more to be in control of how my kids are raised. (I am also a classic control freak.)
I decided this summer that while the kids were going to be home with me, I wasn't going to be my infamous "mean blogging mom" self who didn't have time for books or legos while I was writing. Instead I made a conscious decision to try and be my most present version of mom yet. I was going to try and embrace new things that most moms loved and have somehow skipped over me. (I blame my childhood or something.)
All in all I must say, summer '14 was pretty amazing. I was pretty amazing. As a mom. I was actually a pretty amazing mom this summer. Such a crazy statement because in all honesty motherhood does not come naturally to me. I am the last one to ever call myself amazing in the mom category. You have never heard me gush about motherhood or breastfeeding or all of the crap that usually makes me want to run far, far away from a mom group (or unfollow an IGer).
But this summer- this summer I kind of killed it. Sure, there were a few rough days while Shawn took two week long trips- but for the most part we had a great two and a half months full of beach days (I hate the beach), exploring new parks (hated slightly less that the beach), a million trips to the zoo (I now know the animals by name... I hate animals), swimming at the YMCA (I hate swimming and pretty much water in general) and so many trips to Yogurtland the employees would talk to us like we were old friends... (I love Yogurtland). Oh- and aside from that one trip to the Y where the water was actually below zero and I was terribly cranky about it- I don't think the kids would ever guess that I didn't love the beach, pool, parks and zoo. What I'm trying to say is that I harnessed the ability to focus on them instead of the sand all over my car, my ruined curly wet hair, and those park kids I have no control of who bring weapons to fight with (Hey- little shit! Put away the sword and try the monkey bars, eh?)
With the kids both back in school and a whopping 12 hours a week to myself without anyone asking me for juice (and only one child a chunk of the rest of the time) I've realized once again that I live a busy life and there's just no two ways about it. I like to act like we're free to hang out anytime because I love coming across all mellow like that. But with networking for MPM, coaching Cormac's AYSO team, volunteer work for his school... I'm coming to the realization that- as I once read on an Instagram bio: "Wife. Mom. Blogger. Addicted to Busy." YES. I AM ADDICTED TO BUSY. If I had the mellow life I'm so desperate to convince you we lead... I'm pretty sure I'd be bored to tears. I love busy. I love projects. I love having full, productive days.
Which is all the more reason I'm happy that this summer I used my powers for good and was addicted-to-busy with the kids. Because I could have pumped out blogs, sewing projects and styled shoots. The work-a-holic in me would have loved that.
But I didn't- and I'm proud of myself for that. See, you can teach an old dog new tricks!
xo Party or Die xo
|(And our foreign exchange student Mo came to visit, so that was awesome.)|