10 Rules for Politely and Properly Attending and Throwing a Holiday Party

I was asked by our local Santa Barbara ParentClick to write a post for their website on the subject of Etiquette & Manners... Well ya don't have to ask me twice! I decided to make it season appropriate with a Holiday Party addition since I know a lot of people are gearing up to attend some form of party this next month- including yours truly! I researched this post quite a bit so if you don't agree with something... Too bad, you're out numbered because someone else thinks it too.

References:
BonAppetit.com
EmilyPost.com
About.com

1.) Sending The Invite
I used to be opposed to sending online invitations but the more of them I get, the more I'm feeling outnumbered on this one. It seems that going digital with an invite might just be the future of invites, boo-hiss... Maybe because in this day and age with email at our finger tips- it's the quickest way to actually hear back from people?! (Oh- don't worry! We're getting to that nasty little 4 letter word you're all thinking of). So there, you have permission to Paperless Post and Evite away! However you choose to communicate you're hosting a party- just be sure you give people notice! Sending a "Save the Date" is the easiest way to do this. A December invite should never go out less than 3 weeks before the party date (preferably a month) and if doing a "Save the Date" you should be looking at 5-6 weeks out.

Card by Tiny Prints

2.) The RSVP
You get an invite- either paper or emailed... And of course, you're crazy busy- aren't we all? It's Christmas time which makes things extra busy and there's just plain not enough time in the day to get it all done... I get it! Sometimes when I get an invite some of these thoughts swirl through my mind... Who else is going, What other invites are coming... Do I have to spend a lot of money to attend... Would I rather be blogging or crafting than hanging out with these people... There are a LOT of reasons not to respond to an invite... And guess what? Unfortunately for you (and me), they're all rude. If there is an RSVP timeline, make note of it! No you shouldn't be RSVPing the day before the party! If you're infamous for losing invites- create a space this holiday season where you will put all of your invites: a cork board, magnet board, just somewhere you know they will be.

DO NOT text, email or call the host the week or God forbid the day of the party and say, "I know your party is soon but I lost the invite so I forgot the day, time and place." You'd be better off not attending and just faking your own death in my opinion. Nothing says, "you're not that important" than "I lost the invite and failed to put any of the info in my planner, phone, etc."

3.) The Hostess Gift
If someone is throwing a party and has invited you- you should by all means, thank them with a hostess gift. As in YES you should ignore the host that says, "Just bring yourself!"... Too many hosts have said that in years past and now the very gracious art of bringing the hostess a gift seems lost. In the same way you wouldn't dare attend a birthday party without a gift (unless they've specifically requested it... And even then I wouldn't listen) I encourage you to not show up to Thanksgiving Dinner, Christmas or New Year's Party without something small, thoughtful and/or alcoholic. Ideas: High-end chocolate, favorite bottle of wine, personalized ornament, small potted plant. A note attached is always a classy addition so they don't forget who brought what- and will remember to invite you to their next bash of course.

4.) Gift Exchange Etiquette
There are quite a few ways to do gift exchanges... And with each one comes a slew of rules to follow. To be honest they can be downright confusing! I'm going to touch the two most obvious ways: White Elephant (aka The Yankee Swap) & Normal Gift Exchange (following a monetary value)... THESE ARE NOT TO BE CONFUSED.

• White Elephant: Your goal is to make the other exchangers laugh, it is all about coming in over-the-top with THE most ridiculous thing you can find- or already own and have been dying to re-gift for this very occasion. In the end it is meant to be funny. Don't come in all over-the-top Michael Scott style with an iPod... Unless you're the boss and it's purposeful, then by all means, do. Just remember: big laughs. One year in my time at Mattel a co-worker of mine hand-bedazzled an amazingly awful bikini... Let's just say that thing was THE most sought after gift going around... And guess who go it... THIS GIRL BABY!

• $25 Gift Exchange: Do not show up with a Jesus candle from the .99 Store thinking it will be ok because it's funny. If you go this route, Jesus better be carrying a $25 gift card to Chipotle... Do you feel me here? Stick to the monetary rule no matter how funny you think your gift is. You see, someone who put together a movie gift card basket (or iPod) may not think the fact that you found an actual white elephant statue for the gift exchange is all that funny... Trust me, I'm speaking from experience here.

5.) Arriving On Time and NOT Early
You know that saying about, "being early is on time, on time is late and late is just unacceptable?" Well, that doesn't apply to parties. Maybe to a job interview but to a party it's just down right annoying. You can ask any party guest that has ever tried to show up to a party of mine even 15 minutes early... I'm not exactly thrilled. Hosts and hostesses are working until the last possible second to ensure everything looks perfect, so don't stress them out with an early arrival! Stroll around the neighborhood looking at the lights for all I care, but don't dare knock on the door...

On another note, do not arrive more than 30 minutes late (I'm being generous here). Just try and be on time. A lot of effort has gone in to this party and it's just polite when people arrive on time.

6.) Day-of-Party Time Management
In the same way I'd hate for a guest to show up early... As the host of the party it is your job to make sure you're planning your decor set up/food arrival/guest arrival accordingly. Hosts can sometimes under estimate the amount of time that goes in to day-of set up. It can be a gruelingly long day (especially if you're doing it without a planner) and a lot of times this puts people way behind schedule. The worst case scenario is you're not ready when your guests arrive- OR your house isn't ready- both look sloppy. Don't make guests feel like they have to pitch in and help set up... That's your job as the hostess. And please, PLEASE- the day before, or morning of- allow time to either deep clean your home or have it professionally cleaned. Bathrooms should be spotless. It's just part of throwing a party- everything should look guest-ready and in tip-top shape.

7.) Control the Liquor
Look, we're all looking to have a fabulous night out, especially with a date like 12.13.14 quickly approaching us on a Saturday in December... I myself have been invited to a Christmas Party and I couldn't be more excited to get out with my husband and no kids! But people, have some manners! Do not show up tipsy. And do not get wasted. You can get tipsy while at the party... But do not leave the party wasted. Tipsy is still in control. Do not let yourself lose control of your words, your bodily fluids or your volume control- ESPECIALLY, I repeat especially if you are at a company party. There is always going to be one boss there who's not feeling "Little Miss (/Mr.) Loud & Drunk”.

8.) Your Email Can Wait
Nothing says, "I'd rather not be at your lame party" than being on your phone 1/2 of it. If you absolutely need to check your email then you should do so in the bathroom. If you want to get an Instagram photo up asap: snap it and upload... If you need to edit the photo and hashtag it to the moon and back, take a tinkle break.

9.) Time to Say Ba-Bye!
Don't overstay your welcome at Thanksgiving dinner, a Holiday Party or an Open House. Be aware of an end time and when people start leaving the party. Create an appropriate exit strategy yourself, thanking the host/hostess before of course. If you'd like to stick around and offer to help clean (especially appropriate for Thanksgiving) then genuinely offer that to the host and see if it's a welcomed gesture. Otherwise say your thank you's and goodbyes before the hostess puts on her robe and starts brushing her teeth.

10.) Thank You Notes
I know, I know... I'm getting crazy now! As with the RSVP and Hostess Gift it seems that the Thank You Note is at the top of this list of the "gracious lost arts"... Especially around the holidays! I'm not saying you have to send a thank you for every hostess gift you received but I am saying that if someone went out of their way to buy you something special... The most proper and polite thing to do is to thank them by taking the time to write a note and making sure they get it (writing it and leaving it in a pile does no good by the way).

No matter how busy you are, a handwritten (not texted, not emailed) thank you is the classiest way to show your gratitude... Don't forget this! A note goes a long way in making someone feel appreciated.

On the other side, if you've attended a holiday party- you should also consider sending a thank you note, or at the very least a follow up email, text or call within 24 hours of the party thanking the host for putting together something so splendid and being thoughtful enough to invite you.

Okay, now that we've got "the rules" out of the way... Remember to go shopping for something party-fabulous! By all means always show up to a holiday party dressed-to-impress... It's not everyday you get this opportunity!

You can consider than my bonus tip ;)

Enjoy the Holidays!

xo Party or Die xo

kenna

The Art of Attending an Event Planner's Party {Part Two}

If you are here by chance and didn't read PART ONE of this post, please hault your reading. I have a big ol' intro over in the opening post that is a must read. You shouldn't have even read that last line-you should be over at Part One by now!

Okay, good- you're back.

Shall we continue? Maybe you should grab a glass of wine...
It's 10am? A shot will do.

Custom Wine Glasses by Vinyl Eloquence

Let me set the stage... You're arriving at the party- on time because you now know how important this is. As a fellow party planner/friend so keenly brought to my attention- "Lateness is not some 'quirk', drinking wine with a straw is a 'quirk'... Lateness is just rude."

You put your bags and gift down and head over to where the party is happening. You're impressed. You can't imagine why on earth anyone would want to put this much effort in to a single day. At this point, we might be wondering that very same thing.

You notice someone. She's probably dressed in black and seems to be taking her job very seriously. It's...

 

THE PHOTOGRAPHER.

 

Guests either love or hate seeing a professional photographer at a party. If you love it- great! Go photobomb some pics (except the close ups on my dessert table, I'll kill you). If you hate it- please remind yourself that the hostess is also a party planner who has worked endless hours getting the party to look a certain way. There's a chance she didn't sleep the night before, or if she did- that she woke up at 6am to set up. In a nut shell, this is months of hard work coming to fruition. We NEED great photos, without them- our work is nothing.

San Diego photographer Maria Healy capturing Tania Fischer Designs dessert table.

So if you have to wait a minute before biting in to that shimmery chocolate covered Oreo- wait two minutes. If you have to be a stealth ninja about getting that handmade felt flower in to your daughter's hair so that a pic can be taken of all of the girls wearing their adorable party favors... BE THAT NINJA. And please don't complain about it.

Look on the bright side- you're probably going to see some pretty adorable photos of your kid with their close friends floating around social media in a few weeks- high res and everything! (You're welcome.)

Photo by my girl Christina at Moments Captured Photography located on the Central Coast of CA

DESTROYING THE DESSERT TABLE.

Help me out here... When does one eat dessert? Is it before a meal, or after- I'm forgetting? NO, I'M NOT.

Do not show up to a party that happens to have a dessert bar and start raiding it upon entrance. Usually, if there's a table specifically for desserts, you can safely assume there's some food being served as well. Look for it. Stuff a hot dog in your face- have a soda. Wait until the hostess announces that the dessert table is open- which isn't usually very long in to the party. If you have a toddler and they're losing it at the sight of cake pops, (I have this child) ask the hostess if there are any extra hidden ones he/she can sneak in to the bathroom or something.

While I don't want guests to feel like they have to watch their child the entire party, please make sure they are not doing things like hiding under the dessert table playing hide and seek. Because if that cake falls over, I will stand behind the old adage, "It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to."

Part of the fun for a party planner is showing off the beauty of her work. In an ideal world for us- every guest would get to admire and Instagram (with a proper hashtag) the custom cookies you had made or the Jello cups you so carefully layered. All we ask for is about 30 minutes (give or take a few) for those inevitable late arrivers to get in a peak at the dessert table. It takes months to design and just under 2 minutes to devour. Just give us our half hour.

"O.M.G.- THAT IS SO PINTEREST!"

Really? Because that is so annoying. Do party planners love and get inspired by Pinterest? Of course we do! And sometimes (gasp!) we even use an idea or two- I do for sure! However- that doesn't mean that every cute idea at a party planner's party is a "Pinterest idea". We're creative ladies- promise! We have ideas too! I for one was EVEN creative before Pinterest (I even wrote a post on it)!

Unless totally sincere and interested in how "Pinterest idea" was made- we really don't wan't to hear the ever popular, "I SO saw that idea on Pinterest!" yelled from across the party. Please remember, the idea still took time and effort to make- and if you've ever seen a Pinterest Fail- probably a small amount of talent.

Other sayings like, "I WISH I had spare time in my hectic life to throw my kid a party like this!" are equally annoying... and with the right tone... I don't know, condescending? We don't just have 3 extra hours a day to hang out and craft. We're moms as well- which is kind of a full time job! We stay up late and wake up early to do something we love. So please avoid being passive aggressive because I can read between the lines. I don't walk in to your Book Club and say, "I really wish I had time to sit around and read books all day!" DO I?

DON'T SHOW UP WITH AN ENTOURAGE.

Unless you are Lady Gaga and trying to see if you want to hire me to throw your 30th Birthday Extravaganza- do not show up with groupies.

If your 9 year old child's name was the only one on the invite- do not send your 4 year with him. Do not bring your neighbor's kid who, "really wanted to come too"... Or some random cousins. Chances are the party is limited on space, favors, food and desserts.

If you feel like it was an oversight your other child wasn't invited: it wasn't. But if you insist it was, then kindly ask the hostess and be prepared to hear, "Sorry- we're only having 10 children for this party". Do not just drop off extra kids.

There is a loop hole here- because to be honest, I am actually ok with an extra child coming in the event of something necessary/helpful/you have out-of-town visitors. When I was on bed rest with my daughter, my son went to random birthday parties with other moms who's kids happened to be invited and I have no doubt my friends asked first, explaining the situation. All we ask is that you ask the hostess in advance if, "little Jonny can come because I've already committed to watching him this day." While we may not be able to bust out a custom made favor- we'd love to be given the opportunity to scrounge up something!


"MY KID DIDN'T GET A FAVOR!"

On the super off chance that we've done some majorly terrible calculating (I can't even imagine- seriously) please don't make a huge deal about it. As in, kindly ask the hostess in private if there might be any other favors because your child didn't get one. Don't start yelling, "Where's _________'s favor?! I don't see it with the rest!" Just....... don't.

And if you must be angry about that missing favor, have your kid go snatch it out of that uninvited cousin's hand.

Also ask yourself, "Did I RSVP?"

In conclusion... We really do enjoy throwing parties. Maybe too much you're thinking! May-be. But we caaaan't stop... And we woooon't stop. We love to entertain guests and show off our skill just like a runner loves to run in a marathon. We've spent a lot of time getting ready for the party in hopes of sharing a great day of celebration with you- because we love what we do and hope you will enjoy it too.

xo Party or Die xo

kenna