Venting About Blogging, My Husband's Wardrobe and Motherhood.

I've written this post before. I've even published it. And then took it down a day later. I think it's been boiling up in me ever since the minute I took it down. So to be clear- I deleted it, let it fester and now it's grown bigger. Never let a blog post fester. Ever. Lesson learned.

Let's start with venting about the blog. The way I've been running this blog since I started it in February is simple. Don't write something until I'm inspired to. I read so many blogs about blogging before I actually started blogging (pretty sure I read too many), that I now have all of these ideas on what to do and what not to do. And they all contradict.

It's like, on the one hand, you don't write until you're inspired to and it's GREAT writing... on the other hand, you post something every day regardless because you want to build your readership. I wish I had time to write something great every day, but blogging is SO time consuming, especially if you're going for GREAT. I once read that serious bloggers need "90 minutes a day!" Maybe if you are a turbo-blogger. I thought I was. And then I started blogging. I am the opposite of turbo...more like murbo blogger. Do these 90-minute a day bloggers have kids? I'm dying to know.

I haven't been "inspired" to write the last couple of days. Inspiration is easier when you're on a road trip across the country and your family is having the adventure of a life time... I mean, that is easy stuff to write about. Now I'm feeling stuck in the day-to-day routine of having kids and trying to juggle work 3 days a week, running a party planning business the rest of the week, keeping the house somewhat acceptable, not being a totally crappy friend and being a halfway decent mother. I've already totally given up at being a good daughter and sister... I just can't keep up. My mom wants to complain about my lack of thank you notes. I want to complain about my lack of showers and shaving my arm pits. Seriously. I used to treat myself to manis and pedis... and like, who has time for that? That was so 2011.

And I knew I was going to feel the, "Why am I adding this extra amount of blogging work to my week when I already have too much on my plate?" feeling... I knew it was coming. I even told myself not to start blogging because I didn't need another "thing" to do. AKA, hobby. Unpaid hobby. I keep wondering why I started the blog off as a party blog... should I have done a Working Mom's Blog? Or a Wife of a Youth Pastor Blog? Maybe an Ex-Fashionista Turned *Almost* Wearing Mom Jeans Blog?

I'm annoyed with myself because my blog is all over the place, and I actually think things like, "Well, would so-and-so want to read about this... or would they rather I featured a party?" Great. I'm a blogger-reader pleaser... even worse than an actual people pleaser. And I'm looking at waaaay too many other blogs lately and going, "Gosh this blog sucks, how do they have 30,000 followers and GoogleAds paying them?" I signed up for GoogleAds and they sent me a personal email saying, "Hi Kenna, your blogs sucks..." I mean they denied me so quickly I felt like that's for sure what it must have said.

Paid blogging would be so different. Just knowing you've "made it" enough so that you're getting paid, that would be excellent. Even $5 a month... sign me up. A free Starbucks a month for blogging? Worth it. And I just spent an hour googling, "How to Get Paid Blogging" and ya... no. It takes so much understanding of the online world and setting up your blog to get the hits, etc. etc. And I know none of that. Surprise, surprise. I mean I tried "installing" a Pin It! button and almost threw the computer clear across the room. Then I paid someone on Fiverr.com to do it in 5 minutes and I'm pretty sure the "thank you for your business" email they sent me had "SUCKER!" coded in there somewhere...

What's worse, I know exactly how I want my blog to look. Exactly. Which is all the more frustrating since pretty much the only thing I know how to do is write. I've been trying to contact that other blogger who drew my profile illustration for like 2 months and I just want her to make my freaking hair longer and is THAT too much to ask?! Oh it is. Awesome.

And I just want to install all of my "I've Been Featured!" (AKA party flair) buttons down the side of my blog- can't figure it out. And everyone I've found on Fiverr doesn't really understand English and so asking them to install an "I've Been Featured!" button with a link attached is like asking me to launch a rocket. Ain't happening. I just want to wake up and have the blog be exactly how I want it. Like a magical blog genie visited. If you know one, please let me know.

Moving on to my husband and his wardrobe. Every once in a while, I will look at him and pretty much lose my mind over what he is wearing. And I'm not talking about in a, "My hubs looked so sexy I almost lost my mind" way. Yesterday was one of those days his outfit just about killed me. I'd say that by now, 90% of the time I'm immune to what he is wearing, but the other 10% of the time I just scream. Yesterday I screamed.

He started off strong at church, he was preaching and went with his preaching uniform: button-up plaid shirt, Levi's and Rainbow flip flops. He's surfer casual and I get that. I can handle that. But after church we decided to go to our local annual Kite Festival. I mean, in a town like ours- this is like THE event to be seen at. Halfway there I tuned in to the fact that he's now paired his plaid button-up shirt (maybe the dressiest item he owns) with a pair of torn (in multiple places) nylon rip-stop 90's drawstring trunks- color blocked, but not a good color block. I immediately say, "WHAT are you wearing?" in a terrible tone, and he starts telling me how he might go to our friend's pool later... blah blah blah... Look man- I don't care if you own a pool in your backyard, no one should own those shorts!

You see, Shawn is really in to ironic dressing. Let me give you an example. Remember when wolves got popular? Like Urban Outfitters popular? Well my husband was wearing wolf shirts 5 years before that. When they were still only worn by dudes in to Dungons and Dragons. Half of me is stoked on his trend-setting insight, and the other half is nothing short of totally embarrassed.

On New Year's Eve I almost protested going out with him because he looked like a bad Tom Selleck wearing a cream suit with pleated pants and a terrible oversized blazer that he topped off with a faded 80's Hawaiian shirt. I have no problem with 80's, trust me! I love thrift shopping and big florals... but there IS such thing as bad 80's- unless of course you're at an 80's party. The thing is- I don't always want people assuming we're going to an 80's party and I'm the lame wife who didn't dress up!

I had totally gotten used to the surfer no-style style he was rocking the first 6 years of our marriage... I had even started loving his cherished OP's. Recently though, he's been trying to get away with some crazy stuff, and I decided yesterday I have GOT to draw the line. I mean, we got into a legit argument because he wanted to wear denim stonewashed cargo shorts out of the house the other day. I had to run down the hall with them and have Hannah block for me like we were playing football so I could hide them in the Party Cave (trust me- no finding them in there).

And let me mention now that he's decided to exclusively wear dress socks because, "they're more comfortable and it keeps everything classy!" He's worn them with running shoes and shorts, and now most recently -with his Rainbow flip flops. It's like he turned 30 and now only dresses to make himself laugh. And me cry. And while I love a good laugh, enough is enough. Sometimes a wife has to do what's in the best interest of the entire family. I mean, our children's reputations are eventually going to be at stake. Oh ya and mine is at stake now.

So, last night I "weeded" his closet... it was the best (and only) gardening I've ever done. I came up with a large donation that, let's be honest, a homeless person would probably pass on it. By the time he reads this, it'll all be long gone. The stained tees he collected from every community event he's ever participated in? Gone. The torn & stained purple and black striped hoodie that was cool at one time and then got worn 800 times in a row- GONE. Cargo shorts? Some 58-year-old man is going to be super stoked on those. Your welcome dude, you're so welcome.

No, I'm serious. He wore this. He bought it for himself at Walmart and said, "I scored this for $7.98!!" Even if they paid me $7.98 every time I wore this, I still wouldn't.

And then there's motherhood. Today I came home from my 3rd day of waitressing in a row. It kills me every week. I would already have a busy life doing the party planning gig, running a household, keeping friendships alive and jump-starting a blog... but throw in my "real" money-making job as a waitress every Saturday, Sunday and Monday: I'm done. Put a fork (courtesy of the restaurant) in me.

When I get off on Mondays, all I want to do is put my feet up and do something mindless for like, an hour. This does not exist in my house. Every minute my daughter is awake I have to bring my A-game, or else some of (in this case, all of) the following WILL take place within the first hour of my getting home. Yesterday she, for the second time, took a Sharpie and drew all over the floor and then threw a crazy-child fit when I took said marker away. Then she moved on to poking her brother in the eye with the screw driver she found in the garage... then she put two pennies in the fish tank to distract me while she pulled every book off her shelf and threw them all over the room... Then tonight she flooded the bathroom cup-by-cup while I got Cormac ready for bed, something she knows is a NO NO.

I feel like Birdie is in this phase where she wants to "impress" Cormac with her crazy antics. I'm serious, if she can get a chuckle out of him, she's succeeded. And she will do anything naughty to get that chuckle, even if it means getting into big trouble. I've got 2- and 4-year-old peer pressure brewing in my home and I've got to get a handle on it.

I'm so exhausted from being a working mom tonight. Hell, if I were a true stay at home mom, I might really be exhausted.

I saw the above photo on my friend's facebook... I guess I can really only put this up because I rarely drink... otherwise you might be misinterpreting Miss Party Mom and judging me...

I for one, am really happy my daughter is crazy-cute and has these big eyes that say, "I'm sorrrry" without her actually having to say it... and if you haven't seen this photo on my facebook- yes, she shoved her doll in to a hole in our garage all on her own. Proudly.

                                       Why can't they always look and act this perfect?!

And if anyone is thinking up a comment about how short the toddler years are or how much I'm going to miss them. Got it. Please save it. I want to love my readers.

                                                               xo  Party or Die xo
                                                                        kenna