Venting About Blogging, My Husband's Wardrobe and Motherhood.

I've written this post before. I've even published it. And then took it down a day later. I think it's been boiling up in me ever since the minute I took it down. So to be clear- I deleted it, let it fester and now it's grown bigger. Never let a blog post fester. Ever. Lesson learned.

Let's start with venting about the blog. The way I've been running this blog since I started it in February is simple. Don't write something until I'm inspired to. I read so many blogs about blogging before I actually started blogging (pretty sure I read too many), that I now have all of these ideas on what to do and what not to do. And they all contradict.

It's like, on the one hand, you don't write until you're inspired to and it's GREAT writing... on the other hand, you post something every day regardless because you want to build your readership. I wish I had time to write something great every day, but blogging is SO time consuming, especially if you're going for GREAT. I once read that serious bloggers need "90 minutes a day!" Maybe if you are a turbo-blogger. I thought I was. And then I started blogging. I am the opposite of turbo...more like murbo blogger. Do these 90-minute a day bloggers have kids? I'm dying to know.

I haven't been "inspired" to write the last couple of days. Inspiration is easier when you're on a road trip across the country and your family is having the adventure of a life time... I mean, that is easy stuff to write about. Now I'm feeling stuck in the day-to-day routine of having kids and trying to juggle work 3 days a week, running a party planning business the rest of the week, keeping the house somewhat acceptable, not being a totally crappy friend and being a halfway decent mother. I've already totally given up at being a good daughter and sister... I just can't keep up. My mom wants to complain about my lack of thank you notes. I want to complain about my lack of showers and shaving my arm pits. Seriously. I used to treat myself to manis and pedis... and like, who has time for that? That was so 2011.

And I knew I was going to feel the, "Why am I adding this extra amount of blogging work to my week when I already have too much on my plate?" feeling... I knew it was coming. I even told myself not to start blogging because I didn't need another "thing" to do. AKA, hobby. Unpaid hobby. I keep wondering why I started the blog off as a party blog... should I have done a Working Mom's Blog? Or a Wife of a Youth Pastor Blog? Maybe an Ex-Fashionista Turned *Almost* Wearing Mom Jeans Blog?

I'm annoyed with myself because my blog is all over the place, and I actually think things like, "Well, would so-and-so want to read about this... or would they rather I featured a party?" Great. I'm a blogger-reader pleaser... even worse than an actual people pleaser. And I'm looking at waaaay too many other blogs lately and going, "Gosh this blog sucks, how do they have 30,000 followers and GoogleAds paying them?" I signed up for GoogleAds and they sent me a personal email saying, "Hi Kenna, your blogs sucks..." I mean they denied me so quickly I felt like that's for sure what it must have said.

Paid blogging would be so different. Just knowing you've "made it" enough so that you're getting paid, that would be excellent. Even $5 a month... sign me up. A free Starbucks a month for blogging? Worth it. And I just spent an hour googling, "How to Get Paid Blogging" and ya... no. It takes so much understanding of the online world and setting up your blog to get the hits, etc. etc. And I know none of that. Surprise, surprise. I mean I tried "installing" a Pin It! button and almost threw the computer clear across the room. Then I paid someone on Fiverr.com to do it in 5 minutes and I'm pretty sure the "thank you for your business" email they sent me had "SUCKER!" coded in there somewhere...

What's worse, I know exactly how I want my blog to look. Exactly. Which is all the more frustrating since pretty much the only thing I know how to do is write. I've been trying to contact that other blogger who drew my profile illustration for like 2 months and I just want her to make my freaking hair longer and is THAT too much to ask?! Oh it is. Awesome.

And I just want to install all of my "I've Been Featured!" (AKA party flair) buttons down the side of my blog- can't figure it out. And everyone I've found on Fiverr doesn't really understand English and so asking them to install an "I've Been Featured!" button with a link attached is like asking me to launch a rocket. Ain't happening. I just want to wake up and have the blog be exactly how I want it. Like a magical blog genie visited. If you know one, please let me know.

Moving on to my husband and his wardrobe. Every once in a while, I will look at him and pretty much lose my mind over what he is wearing. And I'm not talking about in a, "My hubs looked so sexy I almost lost my mind" way. Yesterday was one of those days his outfit just about killed me. I'd say that by now, 90% of the time I'm immune to what he is wearing, but the other 10% of the time I just scream. Yesterday I screamed.

He started off strong at church, he was preaching and went with his preaching uniform: button-up plaid shirt, Levi's and Rainbow flip flops. He's surfer casual and I get that. I can handle that. But after church we decided to go to our local annual Kite Festival. I mean, in a town like ours- this is like THE event to be seen at. Halfway there I tuned in to the fact that he's now paired his plaid button-up shirt (maybe the dressiest item he owns) with a pair of torn (in multiple places) nylon rip-stop 90's drawstring trunks- color blocked, but not a good color block. I immediately say, "WHAT are you wearing?" in a terrible tone, and he starts telling me how he might go to our friend's pool later... blah blah blah... Look man- I don't care if you own a pool in your backyard, no one should own those shorts!

You see, Shawn is really in to ironic dressing. Let me give you an example. Remember when wolves got popular? Like Urban Outfitters popular? Well my husband was wearing wolf shirts 5 years before that. When they were still only worn by dudes in to Dungons and Dragons. Half of me is stoked on his trend-setting insight, and the other half is nothing short of totally embarrassed.

On New Year's Eve I almost protested going out with him because he looked like a bad Tom Selleck wearing a cream suit with pleated pants and a terrible oversized blazer that he topped off with a faded 80's Hawaiian shirt. I have no problem with 80's, trust me! I love thrift shopping and big florals... but there IS such thing as bad 80's- unless of course you're at an 80's party. The thing is- I don't always want people assuming we're going to an 80's party and I'm the lame wife who didn't dress up!

I had totally gotten used to the surfer no-style style he was rocking the first 6 years of our marriage... I had even started loving his cherished OP's. Recently though, he's been trying to get away with some crazy stuff, and I decided yesterday I have GOT to draw the line. I mean, we got into a legit argument because he wanted to wear denim stonewashed cargo shorts out of the house the other day. I had to run down the hall with them and have Hannah block for me like we were playing football so I could hide them in the Party Cave (trust me- no finding them in there).

And let me mention now that he's decided to exclusively wear dress socks because, "they're more comfortable and it keeps everything classy!" He's worn them with running shoes and shorts, and now most recently -with his Rainbow flip flops. It's like he turned 30 and now only dresses to make himself laugh. And me cry. And while I love a good laugh, enough is enough. Sometimes a wife has to do what's in the best interest of the entire family. I mean, our children's reputations are eventually going to be at stake. Oh ya and mine is at stake now.

So, last night I "weeded" his closet... it was the best (and only) gardening I've ever done. I came up with a large donation that, let's be honest, a homeless person would probably pass on it. By the time he reads this, it'll all be long gone. The stained tees he collected from every community event he's ever participated in? Gone. The torn & stained purple and black striped hoodie that was cool at one time and then got worn 800 times in a row- GONE. Cargo shorts? Some 58-year-old man is going to be super stoked on those. Your welcome dude, you're so welcome.

No, I'm serious. He wore this. He bought it for himself at Walmart and said, "I scored this for $7.98!!" Even if they paid me $7.98 every time I wore this, I still wouldn't.

And then there's motherhood. Today I came home from my 3rd day of waitressing in a row. It kills me every week. I would already have a busy life doing the party planning gig, running a household, keeping friendships alive and jump-starting a blog... but throw in my "real" money-making job as a waitress every Saturday, Sunday and Monday: I'm done. Put a fork (courtesy of the restaurant) in me.

When I get off on Mondays, all I want to do is put my feet up and do something mindless for like, an hour. This does not exist in my house. Every minute my daughter is awake I have to bring my A-game, or else some of (in this case, all of) the following WILL take place within the first hour of my getting home. Yesterday she, for the second time, took a Sharpie and drew all over the floor and then threw a crazy-child fit when I took said marker away. Then she moved on to poking her brother in the eye with the screw driver she found in the garage... then she put two pennies in the fish tank to distract me while she pulled every book off her shelf and threw them all over the room... Then tonight she flooded the bathroom cup-by-cup while I got Cormac ready for bed, something she knows is a NO NO.

I feel like Birdie is in this phase where she wants to "impress" Cormac with her crazy antics. I'm serious, if she can get a chuckle out of him, she's succeeded. And she will do anything naughty to get that chuckle, even if it means getting into big trouble. I've got 2- and 4-year-old peer pressure brewing in my home and I've got to get a handle on it.

I'm so exhausted from being a working mom tonight. Hell, if I were a true stay at home mom, I might really be exhausted.

I saw the above photo on my friend's facebook... I guess I can really only put this up because I rarely drink... otherwise you might be misinterpreting Miss Party Mom and judging me...

I for one, am really happy my daughter is crazy-cute and has these big eyes that say, "I'm sorrrry" without her actually having to say it... and if you haven't seen this photo on my facebook- yes, she shoved her doll in to a hole in our garage all on her own. Proudly.

                                       Why can't they always look and act this perfect?!

And if anyone is thinking up a comment about how short the toddler years are or how much I'm going to miss them. Got it. Please save it. I want to love my readers.

                                                               xo  Party or Die xo
                                                                        kenna

The Gender Reveal Party: Tips (and Opinions) for How (or How Not) to Throw One

Gender Reveal Parties are getting more and more popular, 2013 is definitely going to be their "coming out" year (pun intended- duh). Before we go any further- for those people living under a rock, or out of the baby and toddler loop- a "Gender Reveal Party" is what new or seasoned parents host for friends and family when they've gotten the news about whether they're having a BOY or a GIRL. Usually they are finding out the sex of the baby at the party as well, which is half the fun! I realized not everyone knew what kind of party this was when a good friend's husband heard I was throwing a GRP and had an entirely different "reveal" in mind, please don't make me say it...

I remember a few years ago when I heard of a friend of a friend doing a Gender Reveal Party and I thought, "Are you kidding me? You think people care THAT much about the sex of your baby?!" Well, I was wrong.... people care. I am now one of those people. These parties are fun, fresh and give you a reason to get together with those you love to celebrate a new life. Now I'm like, "Why WOULDN'T you have a Gender Reveal?"

As some of you may know, I just threw a GRP for a good friend after she and her husband were surprised with a 3rd pregnancy. I thought this would be a fun way for them to welcome the idea of a third baby with their closest friends finding out with them.

Before I show off the pictures from that party, which was featured on Amy Atlas shortly after I threw it (uh, ya I'm gonna name drop!)...OF COURSE I am going to give a few opinions I have on current Gender Reveal Parties, so if you hate opinions, skip forward to the pictures...now.

#1. A few themes/ideas to get over: 
-The "What Will It BEEEE?" theme. Unless you have a crazy bee fetish or the baby's nursery is going to be buzzing with bees (figuratively, not literally I hope) OR you or your husband is a bee keeper (I'll totally give you this one), please find a new theme.

-The Mustache/Bow theme... in case you don't know how I feel about mustaches, I loathe them- especially in party planning. The ironic mustache is done, move on. I wrote about this here, and from this point on I refuse to ever say the word "mustache" again.

-Please don't even think about having HERsHEy Bars at the reveal. Even your great grandma is over this idea, she saw it pinned one too many times and told me to tell you, "NO!" Oh, she's dead? Well her spirit told me then.

-The box full of pink or blue balloons. It was a great idea. Key word: was. Lots of new ideas out there (everyone loves biting into a color, trust me).

-The question mark (?) is an obvious Gender Reveal graphic and while I'm not saying you can't use it anywhere (it definitely has its place at the end of a question), an entire theme around a "?" is just weird. And yes, I've seen it done. Also keep in mind that question marks tend to look like sperm if not used carefully... and while I know... oh never mind, I'll let you take it from here...

#2. Choose a fresh color palette/graphic. There are a ton of colors in the world- you don't need to use pink and blue, I promise. There actually doesn't need to be "designated" colors for each gender at all. A fun and unique gender neutral color palette is all you need... your options are endless and gray is always a great color to throw in the mix, this is the year of the gray!

I recently saw a black/white and gold Gender Reveal done by IDEA! event + style based on the couple's love of the New Orleans Saints. And it was perfect! I love that they rolled their favorite sports team into it- now we're talking! For my recent GRP- I chose to use silhouettes, but instead of just using standard ones, I also used silhouettes on bicycles and then threw some different bicycle graphics and an actual bicycle decoration in the mix and a "theme" was born!

#3. Have something to entertain your guests. You've invited people over and because there's a good amount of work put into these parties, you don't want your guests to walk in, watch you cut a cake/pop a balloon and leave. So give them a few options for fun:

- Provide sweets, everyone loves to raid a good dessert bar.
- Have at least one "game."

For this GR, the couple wanted to ask their friends' opinions on their name choices for a boy and a girl. People loved this idea and it made them feel important that their opinion on the baby's name mattered. Now if you are like me and would never want anyone giving you name opinions- you can always have people "suggest names"... and then make fun of all the ones you'd never use...

Idea by Paging Super Mom!

#4. Vote on the gender. A must. There are a few ways to vote on the gender of the baby: public tally (think chalkboard), private tally (ballot style) or wear your vote- pin/sticker/colored clothespin, etc. Whichever you choose- this should be a BIG piece of the party. It is always fun to get a picture of each group either before or after the reveal, depending on when everyone says how they voted. Essentially there is a winner and a loser group and hopefully the losers do it with grace...

Cute chalkboard idea by Paging Super Mom!- see entire party here!

#5. How will you reveal? So many options. We chose the simple colored cake for the couple to cut into. I've seen colored cake pops and cupcakes too. Just be sure the entire outside of the "reveal dessert" is neutral because the surprise inside is the fun part and shouldn't be given away until the proper "Everyone bite NOW!" time. Aside from desserts, I've also seen people have a friend buy them a cute outfit based on what the ultrasound says. Just make sure the outfit screams BOY or GIRL. No denim rompers if you get my drift...

Another popular idea is to pop a confetti-filled 36" balloon and let it rain down blue or pink colored confetti. This actually sounds amazing, I would love to dance in confetti falling from the sky. Just make sure the balloon is a matte color so you can't see through it- again, remember the surprise factor!

Shop thegenderreveal.com for balloons

And now on to the photos from the Gender Reveal Party I threw March 2013 for my good friends, the Klosek Family... enjoy!

TO PURCHASE THE "PARTY-IN-A-BOX" COMPLETE SET OF THIS GENDER REVEAL PARTY, find it listed in my Etsy shop >>>here<<<

                                                                   

   xo  Party or Die xo

   kenna

(Wrong!)

                                                           Excited to add ANOTHER little girl!

Vendor Credits:

Purchase a "Party-in-a-Box" of this Gender Reveal! MissPartyMom on Etsy
Styling by: Miss Party Mom
Photography by: Jen McGinn
Printables by: World Wide Party by Elena
Cookies and Desserts: Hannah's Cookie's and Treats
Girl's Chevron Dresses: NorahZariah
"Dream Big Little One" Print: Target

The Blogger Who Didn't Know She Could Write....

Up until about 3 weeks ago, I didn't really know I could write. I've always been kind of out of touch with my capabilities, I guess. I'm a self-proclaimed 'self-deprecating, it's-always-funnier-if-you're-laughing-AT-me-not-with-me type of person.' I know- twisted.

I have always been the creative girl... as in, History Class.... eh. Doodling during History Class... ya! Same goes for every other subject, except I guess in a small way, English. Somehow in high school I did manage my way into an AP English Class... But when it came to actually taking the AP test, my teacher told me not to waste the money... I wasn't ready. So I went back to doodling... A+ doodling...

And although I liked writing and thought I was decent at it- even if I wasn't ready for some dumb test that wasn't going to do anything for me as a fashion major anyway... no one ever told me I was any good at it, so I never pursued it.

And then Miss Party Mom launched. And then suddenly I felt a desire to blog about Miss Party Mom launching. And then, and then, and then... a true writer's nightmare... something no writer wants to hear right out of the gate...

So I started this blog in February ('13) and immediately friends and family were texting me, "need an editor?" which screamed, YOU SUCK! pretty loudly... And so I just kind of owned my suckiness and figured, hey...Hannah loves it... at least I'm entertaining one person... and my mom is bound to like it, right? That's what mom's are for, to read their offspring's crappy blogs... So 2 people, not bad.

By the fourth post, a close friend of my husband's (some might call her his "best girlfriend"- which is weird, for sure... but what else am I left with? Please don't ask me if she's pretty) texted me with an urgent message. She NEEDED my blogger password, I'd used the word "peak" instead of "peek" in a blog title and I'm pretty sure it was debilitating to her as one of those "smart" people. And so I did her a favor so she could move on with her day... I gave her the password. Two days later she texted again, she'd made some "changes" to my blog. All of it. Every post. It was weird, all the words were the same but suddenly I was a grammar genius (and genius was spelled right), it was paragraphed, italicized and yet still totally me. Hmmm... I said. I didn't set out to have an editor. I mean, what kind of blogger who's been writing for a month has an editor? Oh me, that's who.

So here I am, an ex-OCD clean freak whose post-kid-bedtime ritual once consisted of getting the house spic and span and then doing the whole thing over the next morning around 10 a.m. My mom nicknamed me the "White Tornado" as a teen and I took this title seriously into adulthood to a point of where it would consume me, this clean little house. And now I have this little baby blog I'm raising up and I think... wow...here's this "voice" who's bigger and funnier than me (yet, it's me!) and all I want to do is figure out who she is why she took so long to come out and play. I want to just sit down for once in my life and do something that feeds my creativity that's NOT sewing or throwing another party- because let's be honest, you can only throw so many parties a month, but you can blog anytime you want.

A few days ago, my family ended our 10-day road trip where I was on a marathon blogging spree, and I've had something like a bunch ton (I'm rounding up) of people who I don't even know tell me what a good writer I am, and that I should pursue it. I'd say I've had TEN people tell me to write a book. And I'm like, me? Like seriously... ME? I am so NOT a writer. I mean, don't writers read? Aren't writers smart? Like really smart, not "street smart." The only reading I do is on a few choice blogs and maybe 1 book a year, besides, The Good Book.

I am so out of touch with real writers that it's not even funny- well maybe it is funny actually. People ask me if we named our son after Cormac McCarthy, the author. Sometimes I lie... just to make myself feel smart. I mean, don't all smart people name their kids after other smart people, especially writers? I've got time to change his name story, he's only 4... done... Cormac McCarthy, I'll google him...

And here I have these people in my life who are like really smart, like my brother- The English Teacher and my best friend The UCLA English Grad, and so it's conflicting... like, do I, an ex Barbie designer with no Pinterest board labeled "DIY Book Shelves" because who am I kidding, my 5 books don't need a shelf... do I really pursue this blogging thing seriously...

Let's be honest, my blog isn't ranked, I'm still no one is this blogging world. But 300 people read one of my posts! Three Hundred People. One post + 300 + Me = Mind Blown. The fact that 300 people thought that one subject I wrote about was interesting (YES it was the one about chicken fried steak, your point?) Consider me smitten with all 300 of you.

And some of you are like, 300? I get 300 hits in 30 minutes. (Oh who am I kidding, no one with 300 hits in 30 minutes is reading this blog.) But maybe one day... maybe one day a year from now, even 2 years from now... someone who's someone will stumble upon this little post and say, "Hey- that idiot can write...her AP teacher should have encouraged her more, maybe she'd be able to spell genius then." (Damn my editor, she wouldn't leave it the way I spelled it there was an O involved.)

Obviously I love doing this, or else I'd have my Swiffer out at this very moment. So thank you, if you're taking some time out to read my blog. I mean, I didn't even post any pictures in this one... maybe I AM turning in to a writer. Sa-weet.

                                                                    xo Party or Die xo
                                                                              kenna

Tips For How to Stock Your Party Planner Tool Kit!

The first paid party MPM was hired to do was a Pony Party almost exactly a year ago. I took with me a Paul Mitchell reusable bag and shoved it full of things I suspected I might need for the day ahead. It was a good idea, I'll give myself that.

I thought I was on top of things- I mean, I had a bag full of tools. To start, Hannah and I had spent the party set-up passing one pair of scissors back and forth ready to kill the other for taking longer than 10 seconds with them... talk about efficiency (!) Midway through the set-up, when the bag had tipped over for the 10th time and pins had spilled all over the bottom of it and everyone who reached in the bag (including myself) was whispering curses at me, something clicked: I Need A Party Planner Tool Kit!

That week I giddily went and bought a medium sized crafter's tool box at Joann's for $14.99 (after my coupon of course). It was stocked within 10 minutes of being home and I realized, not one but TWO tool kits were in order. One for the small tools and one for the big tools. We have been cleverly stocking our dual kits ever since. Mostly with the things we had been rummaging through our client's house for that first party- which I'm sure they thought was crazy professional, I mean who doesn't want to hire a party planner who's asking for tape... and an extra pair of scissors?

So here it is- The MPM Party Tool Kit List, meant for serious party planners worldwide! I know the list might be a little over the top (have you met me?) but I promise, nothing is on here we haven't used during a party set up. (note: showing up to a Chuck E Cheese with this amount of "kit" might make you look like a nut- just a fair warning)

Small Tools Kit:

Double Stick Tape

Regular Tape

Mounting Tape or Squares

Glue Stick

Wall Putty

Fishing Line
Twine

Velcro Squares

Small Paint Brush

2-3 pairs of Scissors, big and small sizes

Toothpicks (they come in handy, trust me)

Pin cushion stocked with needles, (threaded and non threaded), pins

Black thread, White thread (coordinating thread to anything you might need it for: table cloth, etc.)

Safety Pins (big and small)

Zip Ties
Matches (for candles)

Mini nails/regular nails

Fabric Measuring Tape
No-Sew Heat Bond Tape

Business Cards if you're a business

Bandaids (if you're any kind of good party thrower, you WILL injure yourself)
Ibuprofen (for pre party headaches)

Chapstick

Tampons (yes, we seriously have them in ours)

Big Tools Kit:

Packaging Tape

Duct Tape

Small can of Spray Mount (I prefer Super 77)

Mini hot glue gun, pack of hot glue sticks

Hammer

Staple Gun/ Staples

Measuring Tape

Mini Level
Fabric Steamer*
Iron*
Ladder/ Step Stool *

*These are very important (and big items!) so if you're going to another person's house to set up- make sure they either have an iron/ ironing board and/or steamer for you so you don't have to bring your own. Same with the ladder and/or step stool. (If you don't know how I feel about steamed linens read #6 on this post). 

This kit below is a pretty amazing looking. It has a lot of the things I've mentioned- including the most important tool of all- the glue gun. It can be found for purchase here.

This is a nice solid looking crafters/tool kit. The number of scissors shown tells me that this crafter and I would get along quite well. Until we both needed the same size sheer at the same time, then it could get ugly.

                                                    I like the way this kit opens to the side.
                        Nice and wide to find all of the things you need, even those little fruit erasers.

         Just plain cute. Not totally sure about the practicality factor, but then again, I never really am.

I saved the best for last with this amazing pink number. Goodness I can't express in words how much I need this. Birthday present list.... Starrrrrt NOW!

xo Party or Die xo

 kenna

Two Kids. One Road Trip: You Might Be Ready For A Family Road Trip IF....

I felt like a trip highlights post was in order, but as I got to writing it I realized the only people that might care about that would be family (Grandma's eat that stuff up), super close friends and a few online stalkers... And since I am more of a "meets the needs of everyone" blogger, I've decided to roll some of our "trip moments" in to a bigger subject: "You Might Be Ready For A Family Road Trip IF..."

This will be the final post in my "Two. Kids. One Road Trip" Series. Don't worry, I'm still a blogger.

The following is going to be a very random list of things to expect on a family road trip with young kids as well as tips (solutions) for how to avoid them so that you are set up for as successful a trip as possible. Don't you just love me already?

First we will need to define the word:

Road Trip: noun - an extended trip in a vehicle.

Note the word extended. When I was in college I was throwing around the word "rooooad triiiip!" every time I drove 2 hours down the coast to go camping. WRONG! I have now changed my standards of road trip to mean you are driving for at LEAST 2 days and hopefully crossing a state line, (unless you are in Texas- then I will cut you some slack).

Moving right along...


You Might Be Ready For A Family Road Trip IF...

You Can Handle Copious Amounts of Children's Music. Like so much so that even when the kids are sleeping you're so used to hearing it, that you and your husband find yourselves clapping and doing hand motions to Father Abraham- competitive style.

solution: bring an iPod. Obvious answer. But did we bring one? No, we didn't. Yes, we're morons.

 
Drink Spillage Doesn't Make You Want to Scream. As in your kids punching through every styrofoam cup and/or taking the lid off of every cup they're given...and spilling it all over themselves. Be prepared for this to happen at least 6 times a day.

solution: find a magical sippy cup and place all liquids in it- who cares how old your kids are. Also, water bottles are a dumb idea. Don't be swooned by their deceptive ways. Trust me- they have a special language spoken only to toddlers where they whisper, "DUMP ME ON YOUR HEAD!" every time you're not looking.

 
The Words "POOP" & "PEE" Don't Bother You. At one point on the trip, I was starting to wonder if Cormac had forgotten all other words. And then I heard him say, "I need to pop a squat!" and I was relieved. I mean, at least he had formed a sentence?

solution: don't let, "hey POOP FACE!" happen the first time. Immediately yell, "NO! We don't talk like that- even on a road trip!" firmly and with an intense amount of eye contact. Try hard not to laugh- once they sense weakness they'll pounce on it. This is harder than it looks but brace yourself for a sudden, "Hey Mom- wanna know what that guy is doing over there? Pooping his pants" joke. It will catch you off guard. Don't let it.

If you didn't see my post on my daughter accusing ME of pooping, you missed that here.


You Won't Go Ape When Your Kid Twirls Your Hair With His Toes. It'll happen. I mean, there you are in the front seat and there he/she is sitting directly behind you. If you have curly hair, like I do- expect to feel the middle toes trying to go up the curl in your hair. It became a game for my son, a very sick game.

solution: have long enough hair for a tight bun.

 
You Are Prepared to Hear the Words "BOOK!", "BOPPY!" (paci), "DEE DEE!!" (blankie) Somewhere Between 100,000 and 200,000 x A Day. We are old school- we don't let the kids have electronics on a road trip. If for some reason you are crazy enough to be with us on this then I have good news. I came up with a solution mid way through the trip.

solution: 2 SETS OF EVERYTHING. As in: back seat book set in a canvas bag/ front seat book set in a canvas bag. 2 sets of crayons. 2 sets of Legos. Then at every gas stop- get out and gather the items back together and switch them, so that you're always providing fresh material to try and eliminate you crawling around the back seat of the car looking for a dropped/thrown book. Once they've all been thrown (you know it's going to happen)- it's time to use your backup bag. (I guess you could always bring two iPads?) If you have a kid with a pacifier: buy every single one you see the week before the trip. Every one. We brought two and lost one of them the 2nd day. Foolish idiots. I'd have brought 100 looking back on it, 50 in the front seat- 50 in the back- maybe some stuck to the ceiling for easy access.


You Don't Mind Hearing Your Husband Repeat The Same Thing(s) Every Day. It happens, it's a road trip. You only have so much to say to your better half after a few days of seeing the exact same scenery- even with two kids to keep you busy, sometimes nap time can open up time for conversations like these: "Babe, what do you think the pioneers were thinking when they crossed over the mountains?" Do you think I flipping remember anything about pioneers other than the fact they were probably wearing cute moccasins and now I really want a pair? I don't care what they were thinking or about the rock formations they climbed over. Just because we're on a road trip doesn't mean I've suddenly become historical, or a freakin' rock scientist...

Even my Cars-loving son was saying to his dad, "Please don't tell me this looks like Cars anymore- you think everything looks like Cars!!"

solution: road games. Mad Libs. Ad libbing the people in car next to yous conversation. Loud Music.

 
You Are Ready For Candy To Become One of The 6 Food Groups. We started off with a "2 snacks a day" policy. Ya. Right. By the end the kids could spell C-A-N-D-Y frontwards and backwards, it was amazing. We'd be on the road passing a 76 and my daughter would be yelling, "CANDYYYY!!" at it. She had no idea you filled up your car with gas at the candy shop. Crazy.

solution: stick to the plan. Never get soft. Only eat candy yourself during nap time and then dispose of all of the evidence immediately. If they see you with it, you've lost the battle.


You Are OK With Your Normally Totally Cute Kids Looking Like Ragamuffins. By the end of the trip, my kids actually looked homeless. They had candy stuck to their butts from sitting on it, dirty shirts, unbrushed hair and of course no shoes.

solution: flip flops. Why didn't I think of that? As for the rest... Good luck.

You Have Come To Terms With The Fact That You and Your Spouse WILL Pack On The Road Trip Pounds. It's hard to be healthy in regular life, so imagine being on the road all day. You're screwed unless you're like one of those weird jar-your-own-jelly people... in that case, how'd you land here?! It's also hard to resist eating at every stop to keep yourself from talking about things like pioneers...and jarring your own jelly. Every stop was exciting, as long as I got one of the following: Coffee. Diet Coke. Candy Bar. Skittles. DQ Dipped Cone. My husband opted for "snacks" like DQ Cony Dogs. He'll be starting his detox tomorrow.

solution: uh, don't eat junk? This is one you may just have to be ok with and work off post road trip.


It's been fun blogging through this adventure. I will be returning to my normal party planning posts here shortly. If you're stopping by via The H.A.M.B (don't be embarrrassed), thanks for joining Shawn and I on this journey to and from the Lone Star Round Up in our 1959 Chevy Wagon. I also want to personally thank some of you for telling him how AWE.SOME a wife I was for going on that road trip. I've tried to tell him this for almost 7 years, but some how hearing it from you guys has really sealed the deal. If you/your wife is in to crafting or party throwing- you/she will love the "normal" Miss Party Mom... add me to your blog reader, I promise not to dissapoint!
                                                                 
                                                                  xo  Road Trip or Die xo
                                                                                kenna

I will leave you with a few of the funniest quotes from our trip and some pictures from the last 9 days...

"Why can't you guys all just dehydrate, like me?!" -Kenna (after cleaning up the 1,000th drink spill)

"Blog Fodder!" (shortened to "Blog Fod!"- said anytime we heard or saw something blogable) -Kenna & Shawn

"I've got some bad news, the chicken fried steak is made with red meat I think..." -Kenna (story here)

"Hash Tag it!" -Kenna (referring to anything hashtagable)

"Are we there yet?" -Kenna (said to Shawn- who never thought it was funny)

"We're pulling in to Padutch!" -Shawn (it's pronounced Pa-du-cah)

"We're pulling in to Colomine!"- Shawn (it says "GOLDMINE" and it's not a town)

"You're so funny on the blog- funnier than in person!" -Shawn (to me, and people wonder why I married this romantic...?!)

"The MOTHER ROOOOAD!!" - Shawn when he saw ANYTHING that said Route 66

"I've got some bad news, the chicken fried steak is made with STEAK!" -Shawn (making fun of his poor sweet wife)

"I want Brinner for breakfast, lunch and dinner!" -Cormac

"I'll only eat at Denny's from now on!" -Cormac

"Daddy Pooped!" - Birdie

"Mommy Pooped!" -Birdie

"Birdie Pooped!" -Birdie

"Brobber Pooped!" -Birdie


The way there.

in Austin.

The trip home.




                         
                                            

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