Friday, April 12, 2013

Two Kids. One Road Trip: You Might Be Ready For A Family Road Trip IF....

I felt like a trip highlights post was in order, but as I got to writing it I realized the only people that might care about that would be family (Grandma's eat that stuff up), super close friends and a few online stalkers... And since I am more of a "meets the needs of everyone" blogger, I've decided to roll some of our "trip moments" in to a bigger subject: "You Might Be Ready For A Family Road Trip IF..."

This will be the final post in my "Two. Kids. One Road Trip" Series. Don't worry, I'm still a blogger.

The following is going to be a very random list of things to expect on a family road trip with young kids as well as tips (solutions) for how to avoid them so that you are set up for as successful a trip as possible. Don't you just love me already?

First we will need to define the word:

Road Trip: noun - an extended trip in a vehicle.

Note the word extended. When I was in college I was throwing around the word "rooooad triiiip!" every time I drove 2 hours down the coast to go camping. WRONG! I have now changed my standards of road trip to mean you are driving for at LEAST 2 days and hopefully crossing a state line, (unless you are in Texas- then I will cut you some slack).

Moving right along...

You Might Be Ready For A Family Road Trip IF...

You Can Handle Copious Amounts of Children's Music. Like so much so that even when the kids are sleeping you're so used to hearing it, that you and your husband find yourselves clapping and doing hand motions to Father Abraham- competitive style.

solution: bring an iPod. Obvious answer. But did we bring one? No, we didn't. Yes, we're morons.

Drink Spillage Doesn't Make You Want to Scream. As in your kids punching through every styrofoam cup and/or taking the lid off of every cup they're given...and spilling it all over themselves. Be prepared for this to happen at least 6 times a day.

solution: find a magical sippy cup and place all liquids in it- who cares how old your kids are. Also, water bottles are a dumb idea. Don't be swooned by their deceptive ways. Trust me- they have a special language spoken only to toddlers where they whisper, "DUMP ME ON YOUR HEAD!" every time you're not looking.

The Words "POOP" & "PEE" Don't Bother You. At one point on the trip, I was starting to wonder if Cormac had forgotten all other words. And then I heard him say, "I need to pop a squat!" and I was relieved. I mean, at least he had formed a sentence?

solution: don't let, "hey POOP FACE!" happen the first time. Immediately yell, "NO! We don't talk like that- even on a road trip!" firmly and with an intense amount of eye contact. Try hard not to laugh- once they sense weakness they'll pounce on it. This is harder than it looks but brace yourself for a sudden, "Hey Mom- wanna know what that guy is doing over there? Pooping his pants" joke. It will catch you off guard. Don't let it.

If you didn't see my post on my daughter accusing ME of pooping, you missed that here.

You Won't Go Ape When Your Kid Twirls Your Hair With His Toes. It'll happen. I mean, there you are in the front seat and there he/she is sitting directly behind you. If you have curly hair, like I do- expect to feel the middle toes trying to go up the curl in your hair. It became a game for my son, a very sick game.

solution: have long enough hair for a tight bun.

You Are Prepared to Hear the Words "BOOK!", "BOPPY!" (paci), "DEE DEE!!" (blankie) Somewhere Between 100,000 and 200,000 x A Day. We are old school- we don't let the kids have electronics on a road trip. If for some reason you are crazy enough to be with us on this then I have good news. I came up with a solution mid way through the trip.

solution: 2 SETS OF EVERYTHING. As in: back seat book set in a canvas bag/ front seat book set in a canvas bag. 2 sets of crayons. 2 sets of Legos. Then at every gas stop- get out and gather the items back together and switch them, so that you're always providing fresh material to try and eliminate you crawling around the back seat of the car looking for a dropped/thrown book. Once they've all been thrown (you know it's going to happen)- it's time to use your backup bag. (I guess you could always bring two iPads?) If you have a kid with a pacifier: buy every single one you see the week before the trip. Every one. We brought two and lost one of them the 2nd day. Foolish idiots. I'd have brought 100 looking back on it, 50 in the front seat- 50 in the back- maybe some stuck to the ceiling for easy access.

You Don't Mind Hearing Your Husband Repeat The Same Thing(s) Every Day. It happens, it's a road trip. You only have so much to say to your better half after a few days of seeing the exact same scenery- even with two kids to keep you busy, sometimes nap time can open up time for conversations like these: "Babe, what do you think the pioneers were thinking when they crossed over the mountains?" Do you think I flipping remember anything about pioneers other than the fact they were probably wearing cute moccasins and now I really want a pair? I don't care what they were thinking or about the rock formations they climbed over. Just because we're on a road trip doesn't mean I've suddenly become historical, or a freakin' rock scientist...

Even my Cars-loving son was saying to his dad, "Please don't tell me this looks like Cars anymore- you think everything looks like Cars!!"

solution: road games. Mad Libs. Ad libbing the people in car next to yous conversation. Loud Music.

You Are Ready For Candy To Become One of The 6 Food Groups. We started off with a "2 snacks a day" policy. Ya. Right. By the end the kids could spell C-A-N-D-Y frontwards and backwards, it was amazing. We'd be on the road passing a 76 and my daughter would be yelling, "CANDYYYY!!" at it. She had no idea you filled up your car with gas at the candy shop. Crazy.

solution: stick to the plan. Never get soft. Only eat candy yourself during nap time and then dispose of all of the evidence immediately. If they see you with it, you've lost the battle.

You Are OK With Your Normally Totally Cute Kids Looking Like Ragamuffins. By the end of the trip, my kids actually looked homeless. They had candy stuck to their butts from sitting on it, dirty shirts, unbrushed hair and of course no shoes.

solution: flip flops. Why didn't I think of that? As for the rest... Good luck.

You Have Come To Terms With The Fact That You and Your Spouse WILL Pack On The Road Trip Pounds. It's hard to be healthy in regular life, so imagine being on the road all day. You're screwed unless you're like one of those weird jar-your-own-jelly people... in that case, how'd you land here?! It's also hard to resist eating at every stop to keep yourself from talking about things like pioneers...and jarring your own jelly. Every stop was exciting, as long as I got one of the following: Coffee. Diet Coke. Candy Bar. Skittles. DQ Dipped Cone. My husband opted for "snacks" like DQ Cony Dogs. He'll be starting his detox tomorrow.

solution: uh, don't eat junk? This is one you may just have to be ok with and work off post road trip.

It's been fun blogging through this adventure. I will be returning to my normal party planning posts here shortly. If you're stopping by via The H.A.M.B (don't be embarrrassed), thanks for joining Shawn and I on this journey to and from the Lone Star Round Up in our 1959 Chevy Wagon. I also want to personally thank some of you for telling him how AWE.SOME a wife I was for going on that road trip. I've tried to tell him this for almost 7 years, but some how hearing it from you guys has really sealed the deal. If you/your wife is in to crafting or party throwing- you/she will love the "normal" Miss Party Mom... add me to your blog reader, I promise not to dissapoint!
                                                                  xo  Road Trip or Die xo

I will leave you with a few of the funniest quotes from our trip and some pictures from the last 9 days...

"Why can't you guys all just dehydrate, like me?!" -Kenna (after cleaning up the 1,000th drink spill)

"Blog Fodder!" (shortened to "Blog Fod!"- said anytime we heard or saw something blogable) -Kenna & Shawn

"I've got some bad news, the chicken fried steak is made with red meat I think..." -Kenna (story here)

"Hash Tag it!" -Kenna (referring to anything hashtagable)

"Are we there yet?" -Kenna (said to Shawn- who never thought it was funny)

"We're pulling in to Padutch!" -Shawn (it's pronounced Pa-du-cah)

"We're pulling in to Colomine!"- Shawn (it says "GOLDMINE" and it's not a town)

"You're so funny on the blog- funnier than in person!" -Shawn (to me, and people wonder why I married this romantic...?!)

"The MOTHER ROOOOAD!!" - Shawn when he saw ANYTHING that said Route 66

"I've got some bad news, the chicken fried steak is made with STEAK!" -Shawn (making fun of his poor sweet wife)

"I want Brinner for breakfast, lunch and dinner!" -Cormac

"I'll only eat at Denny's from now on!" -Cormac

"Daddy Pooped!" - Birdie

"Mommy Pooped!" -Birdie

"Birdie Pooped!" -Birdie

"Brobber Pooped!" -Birdie

The way there.

in Austin.
The trip home.


Home home.

1 comment:

  1. What a memorable road trip. My daughter is obsessed with cars so she would be jealous of your car! So cool.
    I love and miss the Phx zoo. We lived in Phx for 9 years before moving to Austin and Austin's zoo is like a pet store compared to the Phoenix one.


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