Tuesday, April 22, 2014

The #KidsofInstagram and Why I Hate Them

Ok, so the title is a little harsh. I mean what do you want me to do, go around titling blog posts about love and peace? Ya, that'll get me reads. Let me tell you something, when you declare you hate something in a blog title, the clicks pour in. There, a free tip for you new bloggers, you're welcome.

This post is going to be me picking specifically on Instagram and the #KidsofInstagram because currently it is my social media platform of choice and I see these kids as much as my own. If you aren't familiar with Instagram (IG for short) but you are a sort-of down to earth person, you will still probably relate to this post- so don't worry.

Ok, so maybe HATE was a little strong. I mean, my kids are on IG a heck of a lot, and of course I don't hate them. Well, sometimes... Ok, so I don't really hate any of the kids that have become the rolling feed of my Instagram... It's just well, I hate that they look so amazingly perfect every flipping day- in every aspect from their face to their clothes to even their bedrooms.

I'm serious. These kids are dressed to the nines like everyday. Every. Day. There's a photo shoot with them everyday. No judgment on the photo shoot or the parenting or anything like that... I can assure you I do some pretty weird/questionable child rearing myself during Party Week. It's just that seriously, what kid puts up with this stuff? I can hardly get my kids to sit still with shoes on, let alone actually look at the camera without them trying to rip it out of my hands. Even if my kids are dressed as cute as I can manage on my monthly kid's clothing budget of (Ha! That was good!) there's usually a stain involved or a blue tongue sticking out. But not for the #KidStyle, #ToddlerFashion, #FashionKids of IG. There's never a stain. Never a bad hair day. Never a refusal to give that perfect #ModelKid pout.

I think I must be jealous. Or something. Because look- I had all sorts of ideas on how I was going to dress my kids before I had them, just like I had ideas on how I was going to dress myself as a young cute mom. If Pinterest existed before I'd had kids I would have totally had boards titled, "Future Littles" filled with pictures of babies in scarves and toddlers in head wrap turbans. But then I had kids and became a mom and life and poop and spit-up- it all happened at once and I had to tone it down on the baby fashion and just hope I had an extra onesie somewhere. I figured I could just wait for everyday fashionable kids until toddlerhood! But somehow bow ties and button-up shirts didn't pan out for a kid who just wanted to make mud pies all day. And let me tell you, toddler skinny jeans are terrible for potty training. I also used to have strong opinions about my kids NEVER wearing licensed character items- I mean, that was my worst nightmare. Now I get as excited about a Lego Movie "Everything Is Awesome!" tee as I do about a good heather gray V neck for myself. Oh dear, I just admitted to liking both of those things, practically out loud. WHO AM I?!

With every IG photo of the adorably dressed, very hygienic looking child a little piece of the old fashion design obsessed-me dies. I mean, here I majored in fashion and I can't for the life of me get motivated to get my 2 year old in to anything other than leggings... Xhilaration brand leggings. Sometimes anything more than underwear is an accomplishment.

Of course I'm still totally eating up all of the carefully planned out IG #KidStyle posts, I mean I'd be crazy not hand out "like" after sweet "like" to the little girl in Freshly Picked moccs, a crop top and daisy dukes. I actually love that somehow these moms (and dads) managed to get their 20 month old in to a limited edition sailor outfit complete with heart shaped sunglasses and a head wrap. Not like I've ever dressed my kids "high end" or "limited edition" (because our version of high end is the Gymboree sale rack) BUT even our low class version of high end I save for two big holidays: Easter and Christmas. I figure my kids can handle Momarazzi twice a year begging them to smile, look at me and keep their shoes on. We just did Easter and I'm exhausted.

 Sometimes we match.
And yes, I know... Maybe I'm a hypocrite. Maybe these IG parents will someday stumble upon my IG and say, "HOW does she manage to pull off those parties with two kids vying for her attention!" (Oh, I sure hope someone, somewhere says that someday) but for now, I can't even imagine anything I do comparing to making sure your kids look really awesome, fashionable AND clean daily. And then to have them photograph well. What the...

My favorite little girl to follow, Harlow. Plus her Dad is hilar... The Daddy Fashion Stylist
And bonus- if you follow him, you can get in with a whole slew of these fashion-parents.

What gets me even more than the IG parents with their super gorgeous, never ketchup-stained children, are their followers who follow them and said Gorgeous Perfect child. I mean, the IGer could be posting a picture of their kid swinging in the park showing off the Spring14 hot off the press "Roaring Tiger" dress and the follower somehow notices something ridiculously small in the photo, like a red barrette. Yes I said barrette. Follower will then beg for the poster as well as any of their followers to let them know, "Where can I possibly find that barrette, MUST HAVE". I mean, for realz?

The IG kids clothing brands crack me up too, whether it's the crazy high end Mini Rodini or the indie designer's with a big following... Their fans are nuts. And I'm nuts so that's saying something. They seriously wait around on their phones for this stuff to "go live" and if there happens to be an auction- it's like watching vultures. I mean, heck- I'm all about supporting small(er) business but on IG it is normal for a toddler tee to be $58 and for people to buy it. I just can't, even if I were rich! I'm hard pressed to spend $8 on a tee for a 2 year old! And while I do admit to loving a lot of the designs on IG, it's still weird to me that parents care that much about their kids everyday PLAY clothing! AND I LOVE KID'S CLOTHES, even play ones! I'm not like some weird cheap hand-me-down mom- I actually love shopping for my kids! But caring about custom printed Aztec print leggings that cost $38 (indie), $88 (designer) that will be grown out of in 3 months- that's a little crazy! You know who else sells Aztec print leggings? CottonOn Kids. For $12.00. In multiple colors.

Last thought... A while back I kind of got the idea of the whole IG kid's designer and pop up shop concept. Because here I was thinking that sure you might be spending big money on your kid's clothes- but at least they're wearing totally different stuff than every other kid... But this is NOT true and my feed is proof! All these fashion kids wear the exact same stuff... AS IF! The $88 toddler polka dot high wasted swim suit paired with Saltwater sandals and please don't forget the head wrap, that ever important head wrap. And kids really actually keep those things on their head? I'm in awe of this. I can't even keep a good old fashioned real rubber band in my daughter's hair, let alone a big piece of fabric.

Whew! I got it all out.

I'm done.
I feel better now.

Off to spray stain remover on our poop-stained Target leggings.

xo Party or Die xo

(Following MPM on IG will get you pics of my daughter swimming in gutter water- true story- making you feel like the best parent on earth.)

You know you want one.


  1. Aaaah you speak the truth as always. My kids will never fall into that category. I love seeing your kids as they are everyday. Because it's real. I feel like that's what Instagram should be real and not staged. Well staged sometimes but even then it should feel real.

  2. Haha! I watch my 2 year-old grandson each Wednesday, and right now the "uniform" that he chooses to wear (and nothing else will do!) is Ninja Turtle pj's (summer style, and from the thrift store, but they are clean:)) and his froggy rain boots, but he's happy! :)

  3. YOU ARE HILARIOUS!!! BTW, I am now following The Daddy Fashion Stylist :)

  4. Great blog post that tells it like it is! Thank you for a great laugh!

  5. It's really funny. I really enjoyed this blog. Thanks for sharing.

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