Single Parenting and On The Verge of Losing It

We're on Day 5 of Shawn (aka daddy) being gone and it's just in the last two hours I've decided I might in fact loose my mind. I lasted a lot longer than I anticipated actually, not feeling even an ounce of resentment until today. And then it kicked in with a fierceness. The kids are not listening to me at all anymore. They've completely moved on from thinking I am any sort of authority figure in their lives. They're teamed up to beat me and guess what? They're winning. I am Brazil. They are Germany.

Birdie drew this earlier in the week and said, "Momma, it's you!" I should have taken it as an omen.

Two hours ago I suddenly felt like crying on the way home from a picnic with friends at the Mission. Not crying because I miss Shawn (is that mean? I don't mean it to be) but because I NEED A BREAK. I've said before that I don't know how military wives do it. I don't know how single parents do it. I don't know how moms (or dads) give of themselves all day every day and not want to just scream at their kids and random childless people at Costco who run to the "I can help the next guest in line over here!" register. Hey- asshole! Look at me- I have two kids poking each other's eyes out over here? Throw me a bone?

{And if Birdie kicks the wall while she should be sleeping ONE more time while I'm trying to blog, I might scream. I'm convinced most moms drink around bedtime. I need to get on this.}

It's been a crazy week in general with all these play dates I set up to distract the kids from Shawn being gone and then the Santa Barbara newspaper running a story on MPM and the upcoming Nickelodeon show this Sunday... I feel like I should be so excited and hopeful and yet, I'm just tired. I'm tired of thinking about the business and what steps I need to take... Right now I feel like I will never be able to put the time in to MPM that I actually want to. I can't even walk in to Coffee Bean for 5 minutes to pin up business cards without my kids fighting and screaming and embarrassing the living day lights out of me. Why can't we leave our kids in cars again? (Thanks to the idiot that had to screw that up for me.) I feel like I'm swimming an upstream battle by trying to relaunch this business as a "real business" while I'm raising my kids sans a nanny. And I only have two! And they're probably decent children! But my goodness they're needy! Like two full-time jobs. I mean seriously if I were President the SAHP (whether it be mom or dad) would get paid a nice fat salary! Sometimes I think it's crazy I do this all day and get no financial compensation! It's THE hardest work I've ever done.

I'm like that kind of famous that's anonymous. It's a special kind of famous. 

And then there's way more awesome moms out there attempting to explain homemade Play-Doe recipes to my kids. LALALALA- we're not listennning! I cannot handle regular Play-Doe, why would we make it homemade? That sounds like the worst idea evvverrr... Especially when the husband is gone. For a week. And our carpets already look like the dog just rolled around in mud on them. Oh wait that's right he did.

And to think Shawn will be gone for 3 weeks in October. I might hire a live-in nanny and preemptively join AA.

Friends keep "giving me ideas" for blogs to write while Shawn is gone. Yes you. And you. Stop. I have ideas- I've never been at a shortage for ideas to blog about. I'm actually avoiding the blog because I'm tired. Like blogging currently does not fit in to a kids-home-all-Summer-long-and-Mommy-gets-no-break lifestyle. I think people who don't blog think blogging is easy and posts just go up magically and within an hour. Hey- try it! It's not easy! It's time consuming! I wish it were easy and magical and that when I posted something people would just read it and share it and comment and I got a paycheck where I could buy a new rug every month. Gosh I love rugs.

I digress... I need my husband back. I need my wing man- my parenting wing man. Because I'm not cut out for single parenting. Did I mention Birdie peed on the couch twice this week so my living room inevitably smells like good ol' fashioned urine? Ya! And that she got ahold of a bag of sugar at 7am and filled 6 glass cups to the rim (and the floor all around) with it? Win! And Cormac's having night terrors again... Awesome! And yep, I just need to have a day to myself a-sap. Like a-lone. Like I don't even want a stranger to say hello to me. (Unless you saw me in the paper, then tell me how awesome I am.)

Here's a picture so you know we're all still alive. Well really just the kids because I'm pretty much dead. Tired. Dead tired. No reason to be alarmed. I'm totally alive and kicking. And screaming.

Ps- watch me on TV this Sunday night. I'll be moonlighting on Take Me To Your Mother on NickMom (check local listings for times). Who knows how long I'll be on or what I'm even going to say- I'm a loose cannon you know, so I don't even I know what I said... Hopefully something about throwing parties but I give no guarantees.

Earlier in the week we celebrated my niece's adorable self at a Peanuts Gang party that my sister handcrafted. 

See, I told you I'm alive.

xo Party or Die xo

kenna