Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Forget Play Dates, I'm Looking For Mom Dates.

Let me just get the obvious out of the way- I don't know how military wives do it. They're fantastic human beings made up of flexibility and emotional stability. They do not sit around and wonder about things like if so and so is hanging out with so and so... (because- really, they weren't even friends before I introduced them...)

I digress. Yes, I'm back on the subject of moving. It's been 3 months since we moved and wow- moving... well- in a nut shell- I'm still in shock I think. I blogged on the subject pretty soon after we moved- and I'm just back to confirm, yep- moving still sucks.

Although I don't regret our choice to uproot our family, sell our house and move an hour back in to civilization (aka: a big city), it does not take the sting out of any of it. The sting of leaving what you knew to be home for over five years is... I'm going to admit it- harder than I thought it would be.

Some of the sting comes from feeling it through my kids (my 5 year old) and some of it is just plain missing things the way they were.

While there are days I do miss our house, our yard, even our chickens... These things don't occupy my mind the way my friends do. This move has taught me that I really valued the friendships I'd made in those five years.

Not to say I haven't made any friends in my new town, I've made a few that I'm loving getting to know. The difference is I'm used to having a gaggle of them- a crew that all knew each other and hung out- who's kids all loved each other because they'd been friends since they were babies. That is what I'm missing. It was ideal and I didn't realize how amazing it was, foolish me.

The things we take for granted...

Disclaimer: I have never had a problem making friends- ever. There have been times I've wondered how the hell I got so many friends and tried figuring out ways to un-attach myself to a few. I remember meeting my friend Brette 10 years ago (my military wife moving-hero) and telling her that, "I'm not really in the market for new friends." (I mean, seriously- WHO SAYS THAT?!) Oh to have such a problem former self. Former annoying self.

Moving not only means giving up houses and neighborhoods and grocery stores and the local burger joint- it means meeting new friends. Dating new friends I should say. Wondering if you're going to get "that second play date text" or if it just wasn't a match- with the moms, the kids, the schedules... AHHHH! The stars need to align in order to get that text.

In thinking about finding new friends I've realized that like with regular dating- I have a few prerequisites. At this stage of the game, I actually have quite a few. I'm a high maintenance friend dater- there I've given you fair warning.

So in an ode to moving and attempting to make new friends that I will like as much as my old friends, I have put together this personal ad... You know, in case you wanted to pass it on to any Santa Barbara moms out there you may know... By chance.

Here we go!

Looking to meet moms with likeable children ages 2-7 who know how to throw a good tantrum from time to time (for solidarities sake). Moms that love their children -obviously- but who don't necessary feel like they're killing it with the whole mom-thing... You know, like you're actually really excited for Kindergarten. Or work. Or both.

On any regular day we should be able to talk fashion, kid fashion (preferably Harajuku Mini and what Easter outfit ideas we have coming down the pike), home d├ęcor (you must be able to get excited about things like a new Ikea rug purchase), blogs, social media, how annoying the husband can be (a non-negotiable) as well as talk about celebrities as if they're our friends- because it's pretty much only a matter of time, right?

No "helicopter moms" need apply, I'm your worst nightmare and it just won't be a good match. I'm not saying your kid is running in the street during rush hour... but practically. I'd like to be able to sit with you and talk about life and how we don't understand why every other kid is Gluten Free- without you getting up 5,000x to check and see if, "the kids are getting along". Even if the kids aren't getting along- do I look concerned? Let them figure it out. I'm not trying to run a 2 year old's play time for our entire play date- which in my head I'm definitely referring to as a Mom Date.

It's a major plus if you like to shop. Places like TJMaxx, Ross and Home Goods are my stomping grounds. Doing things like splitting the costs on a sitter while the husband is at work so we can get out and score a few deals- ya, that kind of crazy is right up my alley.

Coffee is good too- kids love coffee shop play dates, right? Taco Bell? You're talking soul mate material now. I like quick, easy and cheap all rolled in to one. We're not getting together to cook a gourmet dinner while we sip wine, that's for sure. Don't mistake me for classy.

As we get to know each other, feel free to wear sweats and your paint splattered sweatshirt to my house if you're feeling it. I don't want to always have to look great around you either so this really levels the playing field. I mean, don't get crazy and meet me somewhere in sweats or anything- we have to maintain some shred of decency- but feel free to be makeup-free after a handful of Mom Dates if it's just us.

Please have a sense of humor. I hate non-funny people. Like, how were you born without a sense of humor? It's so sad and I'm not trying to have a charity case on my hands ok...

Last thing- a love of the party. Since this is what I do, it's really helpful if you love a good party. You don't have to be amazing at it but please no, "I hate celebrating birthdays!" That crap is just weird.

In closing- I'm kind of awesome and I'm just looking for some equally awesome ladies to bond with- is that too much to ask?

xo Party or Die xo


  1. We could definitely be friends if I lived there! I feel like I could have made this Friend-ad myself.

    I'd also like to add, that your house looks awesome. You always have the coolest, most colorful couches!

    1. Well at least we can be internet friends, right?! Better than nothing. Glad you like the couch! I still miss the pink one but this one is pretty fab too- thanks for the reminder ;)

  2. I totally don't even know you but my friend-since-jr.high Amy Curti posted this blog post and MAN. I can relate. Mom dates. I moved two years ago to a new city/state/everything and am happy to say I have a couple of dear friends but finding those friends who take you as you are is no small feat. I wish you scores of fabulous friends.


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  4. Sounds awesome and exciting! I hope you can meet some new friends that you can get along really well with soon ♥

  5. Hi,
    I might to be too young to give you advice, but live your life at fullest. Be with your friends, party with them, do activities you haven’t done before, go to the events, get yourself groomed.


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