The Art of Attending an Event Planner's Party {Part One}

It's a scary thought- actually pressing "Publish" on this post- maybe more so that any other one I've ever written! I've had the idea for this entry for quite some time and while I feel there is probably never going to be the *perfect* time for me to put it out there (as a mom who throws real parties)- here's to hoping this time frame is better than publishing it the week after one of my kid's parties? The truth is- a lot of these things haven't even happened to me directly- really! But I'm in a community with so many other party & event planners that at this point if I'm going to go for it- I feel like I have to share for all of us...

Party Planner aside- obviously no mom wants to make their guests feel like they can't just attend their party like every other normal party... This is true, I want guests to feel at ease and have a blast.

However...what is also true- and this may be a total contradiction- is that it isn't in fact any other "normal party".

You know it, I know- if your kid's have attended previous parties- they know it. And if you don't know it- the invitation will usually always clue you in. A party planner prides herself on the snail mail invite and glitter is usually involved.

There have been weeks (mainly Party Week) where I have dreamed of throwing the Normal Party... Days I wish I could take a break and be Mellow Party Mom for one party in my life. That care-free spirit of a woman who texts people the party info a week before the party. She puts chips and dip out and serves water with lemon. She places the candle in the middle of her self-frosted cupcake, hands it to her child and helps get the "Happy Birthday" song going, complete with "And many more, on Channel 4...". Oh, to be her- my idol at 2am the night before a big party.


Bless it.

But, of course... that will never happen. The elusive "Normal Party" is fleeting in my mind. I have tried- and failed, many times. My attempt at a normal party for Cormac's 3rd Birthday Yo Gabba Gabba Party is pretty much what launched me in to this business, unbeknownst to ever knowing I wanted to be an actual Party Planner. This was before I knew about dessert tables or backdrops or "linens"... Before I knew about anything party-related really... Anything other than spending copious amounts of time on things most people wouldn't notice. Which I'm actually totally fine with now, really. I have gotten to a place where I very much realize the details are for me and my fellow Party People (you know who you are!). In the same way a lot of woman dress "cute" to impress other woman- I do things like wrap napkins in dyed doilies and ric-rack bows- for other party planners.

In my year of blogging I've deemed myself as kind of the party planner who says what most other party planners are thinking... It's a tough role to fill at times, ain't that the truth!?

In an effort to not piss off every past party guest of mine, I am going to try and carefully broach this subject. But we all know I am not known for being exactly... errrr, gentle- per say... So, I will probably still offend every guest I've ever invited (and maybe even cut my numbers in half so I have more of a décor budget at the next party- oh c'mon, kidding!)

And while yes, I am kind of writing this on behalf of party planners... I'd also say these suggestions apply really well across the board- when invited to ANY party. So if you don't ever think you'll attend a party planner's function- don't think you're off the hook!

In the title of this post I very carefully used the words, "Art of Attending" vs. "Rules of Attending" because I'm offering these up as more of, well let's see... Suggestions? Strong, strong suggestions.

Shall we begin? Let's start with...

THE INVITATION.

You've checked the mail and stumbled upon something non-bill like with a carefully placed festive sticker on it, or perhaps a stamp or two to clue you in to some sort of theme coming your way. You're happy with this joyous piece of mail- and you know your kids will enjoy it as well.


Birdie's 1st Birthday Party

You open it. Your kid's note the theme and you quickly note the date, time and location. You get on your phone, or look at your real-life calendar to see if you're available.

STOP.

ARE. YOU. AVAILABLE?

Most party planners give a generous 3 weeks to a month's notice which should give you some flexibility in deciding if the day of the party is a going to be a good fit for you. If it isn't- a NO is a perfectly acceptable answer, because.... WAIT FOR IT, it's an answer. And amen to answers. Promptly texting, emailing or plain ol' fashioned calling the host to let them know that unfortunately the party isn't in the cards would be SO greatly appreciated. A NO helps us know we don't need to worry about adding your child to our favor, food, dessert and chair head count.

I have some more crazy news I'm about to share. A MAYBE is also an answer. Giving the hostess a heads up that you have other plans as well that day (soccer game, another party, WHATEVER) but that you're going to try your best to make it to the party- is a perfectly good enough response in my opinion. This let's us know we should probably have a backup favor and cupcake just in case maybe-child can swing by after all. A party planner's worst nightmare is a kid showing up to find no customized favor bejeweled with their name on it. I choke up just thinking about it.

Well, now it's about to get wild, because coming at you is some EXTRA crazy news. A YES answer- though exciting- also needs to be communicated to the hostess. Do not assume because your son is besties with the birthday boy that the hostess innately knows you're going to make it. A quick little text, "We'd love to attend!" is perfect- even more perfect if it's timely- as in, not the night before the party.

If you RSVP as a yes- unless of course sickness strikes or an emergency arises- be a YES. Don't suddenly the day of say, "We were just so tired from yesterday's crazy schedule so we decided to stay home!" At least lie to me about a sickness, k?

Let me confess something to you. This past January- for my son's 5th birthday party, I didn't even put an RSVP on the invite. That's how defeated I feel by the RSVP. I resorted to straight cold-texting people asking them if they were going to be able to make it- which is just plain weird.

In conclusion- we're all busy. No one should be so busy they can't communicate even a Maybe answer.

Cute planner from Etsy... Just a thought!

NOT GETTING AN INVITATION.

Look- I get it. 6ish years ago I wasn't invited to my friend's daughter's 1st birthday party. AND I STILL REMEMBER IT. I was her- um, briiiiidesmaid?! I know first hand that a no-invite can sting.

I also now totally get it. You just plain can't invite everyone- as much as you may want to!

So, in the event the invite does not make it to your mailbox- please for the sake of all that is good and holy- do not go on social media and leave comments like, "Guess my invite got lost in the mail!" on party photos or status' about said party. It's just awkward. If your child didn't get an invite- seriously ask yourself these questions before getting offended, "Is my child [still] a close friend of the birthday boy/girl? Do they play together often?"

Be gracious- I have had to learn this myself big time. Like every mom- a party planner closely calculates numbers, costs and space and because of the level of detail going in to the party- probably even more so.

I hate the fact that we will always inevitably leave people out but the bottom line is that it's not realistic to invite every child your kid has ever known, until we move in to the MPM Mansion, that is.

"I'M LATE, I'M LATE FOR A VERY IMPORTANT... PARTY?"

Look- being late to any party is tacky... Not just a party planner's. But with the right excuse, like being caught off guard by traffic, a toddler meltdown, etc. most hostesses will totally get it. We're moms, and for the most part fairly reasonable women. However, please try to be on time- like within the first 30 minutes. We've been planning this party for way too long to publicly acknowledge and there's this thing called a timeline we'd like to somewhat maintain. Is that too much to ask?

On the same note- do not show up early. Or if you do- be prepared to get put to work- which I hate doing to guests, but it inevitably WILL HAPPEN. Trust me when I say that no party planner is ever sitting around 25 minutes before a party saying, "I wish my guests would hurry up and get here already!" NO. We're sweating, tired, hungry... it ain't pretty. Give us until the specified start time unless you want to witness: Birthdayzilla, a ferocious beast of an animal no party guest should have to experience.

Ok, so there you have it- the first half of the post. Now if you were even slightly offended by that, I'd highly recommend you pretend like PART TWO doesn't exist.

xo Party or Die xo

kenna

Moving. It Kind of Sucks.

We moved and I haven't blogged in forever, again. It's been the farthest thing from my mind because I've just been in survival mode. Moving Survival Mode.

No matter how much you want to move, are excited to move and need to move- nothing- and I mean nothing can really soften the blow of ACTUALLY moving.

Moving to a new city. Selling a house. New jobs, preschools, churches... Everything's. Ah. Changing.

This move has been hard, that I cannot lie about. Our hardest move yet, for sure. I think if I had remembered how much I don't do well with um, ya pretty much every aspect of moving- I would have realized it wasn't going to be a fun. Instead, I just thought about the things I love, like decorating. And visits to Ikea. And not the things I hate (err, despise) like unpacking random boxes full of things that don't even belong in the same room- let alone box. This is the style of packing you do when you've just given up: throw it all in, hope it doesn't break and slap some tape on the box. You're angry when you're doing it and even more angry (at yourself) when you're unpacking it. Unpacking it is a blunt reminder of how much you procrastinated packing. And that right there is pretty much my entire style of packing. (Incase you don't remember, packing isn't really my "thing".)

I hate chaos, I hate being out of a routine and I hate not knowing where anything is. I like being in control and I hate feeling like a spaz, which- even when I'm in control I am somewhat spazzy- so during a move it's like amplified to a level 11. It was definitely too much for the husband to handle. I locked keys in the house, in the car, in the garage... who knows where? Everyone was over Kenna, even Kenna. Whomp, whomp...

I would go so far as if to say, if people decided to just divorce in the middle of a move- I would not blame them. If they stated on their divorce papers, "We Tried Moving Our Family" instead of "Irreconcilable Differences", I would totally just nod and say, "Ahhh yes, The Move got them- totally..."

And here's the thing- I am not a novice to moving. I may sound like one, but actually in fact I am quite the opposite: I am a habitual mover. Before I was married at age 25, I moved 9 times. Since being married we have moved 8 times. In 7 years. It makes me anxious to even add those two together.

Moving as a single woman was almost a game to me. I had a great job and was kind of, in a way- always looking for a better place to live. Closer to the beach. Bigger. Cheaper. Better roommate. I would move on a whim, and often. I had an Ikea credit card and used it like a gas card. I was always designing new rooms in my head and I can't ever really remember a move actually STRESSING me out. I can remember powering through my living room, bedroom and kitchen in about 48 hours, max.

Moving as a married couple became a little harder, but still- Shawn and I's usual moves were usually to gain space. With almost every move we "upsized"- and there is really nothing that stressful about throwing things in a spare bedroom and closing the door and getting to it when you can.

Now let me tell you some things about this move. We moved to one of the most beautiful places in the world: Santa Barbara, 4 blocks from the strand to be exact. We're moving in to a church denomination we've wanted to be a part of for a long time. The husband is getting a nice raise. And did I mention we're moving back to the beach? We are. We've missed it- although I don't particularly love frolicking in the water, I do love living by the beach and the lifestyle it provides. Lots of major pros for this move. In the midst all of these pros... there's been just one con- if you want to look at it like that... We're downsizing. Fact: to move to Santa Barbara, unless you are Oprah (who lives 10 minutes away) you WILL be downsizing. I won't go in to the logistics about the space but we're missing some serious square footage. 

GOODBYE OLD HOME.

As we finalized our plans to move in to the new house we had to PURGE. I mean amongst the obvious kid's-now-sharing-a-room reality-- the pink couch didn't fit. My beloved pink couch, my baby... There were almost tears.

GOODBYE OLD COUCH.

It took us 2.5 weeks to move in, which I'm sure in the grand scheme of everyone who's ever moved with a family- is like warp speed. In Kenna-time 2.5 weeks is like slow motion... a painful, tortuous slow motion where you can't ever see the light at the end of the tunnel until you have less than 5 boxes left to unpack. I have not had anxiety like I had with this move for a long time, and I forgot how much anxiety sucks. In the midst of the move was Christmas. Who moves during Christmas? Oh ya, we do- twice. Christmas almost killed me. Santa's elves were majorly lagging, especially that damn Elf on the Shelf who gave such a pathetic attempt it wasn't even worth one Instagram photo. I mean, everyone knows if you don't Insta your Elf you've committed a parenting crime! 

I was shopping on Christmas Eve for 75% of my gifts-my heart racing as I was mad about everything, including the fact that I was standing in hour long lines purchasing less than amazing gifts because I couldn't even handle the fact that Christmas decided to show up in the middle of our move. I mean, the nerve. Let me tell you I was NOT feeling the Christmas 2013 spirit. I tried my best to decorate our house around the boxes, just so the kids wouldn't miss out... but nothing was helping this Grinch. I was so happy to de-Christmas- I've never been happier to not see Christmas décor all the more cluttering my already cluttered home. (Should I publicly admitted that last sentence? Probably not.)

I made a pathetic attempt at getting our family's Christmas pics in to one of those annoying "Facebook Christmas card" status updates- something I swore I'd never do. I learned that during a move you are capable of doing things you swore you'd never do.

Aside from the annoyance of unpacking box after box... there is also the emotional aspect of moving. Realizing that the friends you've spent every day with for the past 5 years are all now an hour away- not a block away. When your son is asking you 10x in a day if we can meet our friends at the park or if he can see pictures of our old house- it just makes you sad. And sad people can't unpack, they can only wallow. Wallow in boxes.

Fast forward: As of New Years Eve I declared us "officially moved in" (I had to declare it in order for it to be real, you know?) We even had friends over New Years Day which my kids were beyond excited about. We still don't have a complete back yard (yet) but we're unpacked and comfortable, like we can actually walk through the house without tripping- always a plus! It's crazy because the minute I put away the last box in the bathroom I felt like I could function again. And breathe. And text people back. My tunnel vision for parties is the same with moving- I physically can NOT do anything else except the task at hand.

Enjoy some pics of the new digs... Including the kids new Neverland room which I had a great deal of fun designing.

 

 

THE headboard. If you don't know why I capitalized THE, you missed this post.

 

 

New Years Day!

The kids and I have been exploring the last few days since Shawn's been back to work and I know we're going to love it here. We've found amazing parks and made a trip to Michael's today to get a start on Cormac's 5th birthday party. I still got lost (what is up with these One Way streets?!) and it is still crazy annoying that there is no Target (WTH?) but I can definitely remember why we decided to move here. I mean, we've been the beach alone like 10 times since moving here- thanks to my husband's pleading to get away from "the move". We've discovered elote and helado and they're going to make me go broke!

 

 

 

Sometime soon I plan to blog about our decision to send Cormac to a Spanish Immersion Elementary School this Fall but until then I will be working like a mad woman on his Pop Art Balloon Party- sewing 19 aprons for all of his little artist friends! See- I'm back to my normal self ;)

 

To follow the Pop Art Balloon Party fun- come follow me on Instagram!

xo Party or Die xo

kenna

{Miss Party Mom's} 7 Tips for Creating A Custom Party Theme

I had a question in my inbox  last month about how I go about choosing a party theme for either of my 2 kids. It really got me thinking that to someone other than a party planner, choosing the "right" party theme might be a daunting task...

I'm going to outline a few things for you that I personally do when I'm in the decision making process for a party theme for one of my kids, (or currently- myself!) as well as some of the steps that help me to organize myself leading up to the party...

1) Choosing a Theme: The most important thing I do is "study" my child's likes and interests about 6 months before their birthday. Even though I KNOW this time frame seems crazy- starting this far in advance will cut down on so much stress the month before. If your child is at an age where they talk, start throwing out ideas like I've been this last week with my 4.5 year old son... "What would you think of an art party?" I do this for a couple of weeks and then really start honing in on one idea I think he likes, and I see if it sticks for a bit.

While I try and give options- I also try and keep in mind the things I have already decoration-wise OR things I wouldn't mind owning that I would acquire through the chosen theme. For instance- I REALLY love color (have you seen my house?) so I knew I wasn't going to mind having a ton of colorful decor items for Birdie's 1st Rainbows and Birds theme. I have repurposed a bunch of it into our actual home decor.

Giving this 6-month time frame does allow for a couple of mind changes in the beginning stages of planning (if you'll allow them and haven't put too much $ in already). Once we have nailed down the theme though, I talk to my son about the fact that we've decided, we're excited and we won't be able to change anymore because Momma is going to be picking small things up every time she sees something that fits the theme... (which for me, is like every place I go...)

*For 1st and 2nd Birthdays I just choose a theme I feel emulates my child. For me, Cormac just looked like he'd make a perfect little Ringmaster! For Birdie's I did a little play on words with the "Happy Bird-Day!" graphics I used, and went from there adding in the rainbow color palette. Let's be honest, you only get to choose a few party themes and Halloween costumes before they grow minds of their own... make them count and make them something YOU love too (esp. that 1st birthday- we all know that party is for the parents anyway). If you're really looking to have something your baby will love you can throw in an idea like the "Baby Ball Pit" I did for Birdie's party and hope they don't nap through the entire party anyway...

2) Guest List: The second thing I do is make a general list of attendees so I will have a basic headcount of guests. (Are we inviting just family? Close Friends? The pre-school?) This will give me insight in to how much of everything I will need as well as an idea for the budget.

3) Collecting Items: The third thing I do is get out a huge cardboard box (I use boxes so I can break them down when I no longer need them due to space issues, but if you have the space- a clear plastic bin would be more helpful). I look in my Party Cave (what normal people call party supplies) and pull out everything I can potentially use for this theme- and if it's something I'm not willing to move locations of until the day before the party- I leave a post it note in the box "Tin Circus Elephant from Cormac's shelf." This will give you a good idea of what you still need to buy to jazz up the table(s) decorations-wise, as well as paper goods (cups, plates, napkins) and more.

4) What "Size" (aka budget) Party? Once you've collected the stuff you already have (Btw- I borrow my kids' toys all the time!) it is definitely time to set the budget. This is the thing I am the worst at. As you should know by now (if you've been reading for any amount of time), parties are expensive. The day before and day of the party will always have pop-up expenses too (ice? condiments? tape?) so be sure to prepare for these and budget accordingly.

Let's say you're planning a small party with a budget of $200. In this case I would say, focus on a dessert or ice cream bar in a non-eating time frame (between 2-3 p.m.) and decorations for the dessert table. This way you can make that dessert/ ice cream bar the best it can be. Don't try and do food too and have everything be watered down- just stick to one thing and do it well.

If your budget is $500 I would focus on a good amount of decor (definitely custom printables) and inexpensive eats like hamburgers and hot dogs, themed  cake/cupcakes, favors for the kids and a couple of party games.

If your party budget is $800 I would have all of the above with a full dessert bar as well. I would also look into adding in a form of entertainment like a bounce house or activity station revolving around the party theme.

Photo from JandJHome.blogspot.com

If your party budget is $1000 I'd really hope you're just hiring a party planner (unless that is you've been looking forward to planning this event since your child was born like I'd been... in that case, we're kindred spirits.)

*Once you have your budget- working solely in cash is very helpful. I carry an envelope with cash and receipts so that I can constantly keep track of what I have left... which again, I'm terrible at- but don't use me as your example!

5) Shopping: When making my shopping list I will keep in mind my headcount when purchasing everything. If I see the perfect plates for my theme but they're $6 for a pack of 12- I'll buy one pack to support my theme (and for photos) and then mix them in with a bunch of solid party colored plates. If I have 3 great ideas for party favors... I have no problem doing all 3 and placing a sign at the party that says, "Please take one favor each!" This gives you the ability to be creative, to showcase all three ideas and give your guests choices!

6) Invites and Printables: If you're using an online printing company like Vistaprint or Overnightprints, I would recommend submitting your invite files 6 weeks in advance so you don't need to pay for any expedited shipping charges which can REALLY add up. This would mean having your invite ordered 8 weeks in advance from your printables designer. Usually you will find that whoever designs your invite will also have a matching party collection to go with it. Some printables designers like Party On! Designs even offer assembled packages... but if you are crafty and have the tools you can print everything on your home computer and put it all together yourself. I really love personalized invitations and feel they start the party off with the right feel. I am not big on Evites- I usually don't even click on them because they blend with the 100's of other emails I also don't click on. If it's in your budget- send an invite, it makes people feel special and truly invited. I drive around my neighborhood dropping them off to save on postage.

All of your printables should be assembled the weeks before the party (not the night before- trust me, I speak from experience when I say... not a good idea)

7) Ask for Help: Don't be afraid to ask friends, family and YOUR SPOUSE to your help set up the party the day of- if you can secure 2 hours of time from a handful of people you will be great. If you're doing a bigger sized party it's almost impossible to do everything with 1 or 2 people- esp. if it's an outdoor party and all setup is the day of... I have learned that my party setups are so intense I cannot even start a party until 3 p.m. because I want to ensure I have time to do everything. I have my kids with their Nana for pre-party setup so that they're not around for any of the stress... but instead they just walk into... NEVERLAND!

Lastly- I found this very helpful Party Planning Timeline on Kara's Party Ideas. While we might have some differences in our timelines (deciding on a theme a month before?! Heart attack) I still think it has some amazing details to remember. Print it out and along with my tips- you should be ready to start planning your next party... (6 months out- trust me!)

xo Party or Die xo

kenna